Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL [_despondently_]. Well, I’ve been called the proudest man in all
Dublin, but I’m going now to be the meanest clod in all Ireland. I won’t
waste words. Daisy Mullan is a retired cook, and an adventuress.
_Uproar._
DEEGAN. Silence! Go on, Paul. You astonish me.
PAUL. She has that six hundred pounds safe and sound, but not another
brown penny in the world.
DEEGAN [_in triumph_]. O’Hagan, was I right or wrong?
O’HAGAN. Right, right.... Wonderful ... man.
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, how did you discover this, my friend?
PAUL. I was talking to her for a quarter of an hour before you come
in, and I sent her upstairs lest she give us the slip altogether....
_DAN DEEGAN jumps out of the cupboard._
DAN. I’m in flames, but Paul Twyning’s a just man! I was hid in there
the whole time him and Daisy was talking, and heard every word they
said. She told him she was cook for a retired broker and got all her
property--draft and all--in the trash-basket.
PAUL [_piously_]. See that, now! It always pays to do the straight
thing.... Who ever’d have thought of Dan being in there all the time!
DEEGAN. Come forward, Daniel.
DAN. Yes, fader.
DEEGAN. Swear to the truth of that statement with uplifted hand.
DAN [_with hand up_]. Afore you and God, fader, I’m telling the
truth, amen.... She said you grabbed her people’s bit of land, and she
come back to get revenge.
O’HAGAN. That’s the solution now.... She’d the cablegram and all
cooked for the purpose.... Paul Twyning, I’m ashamed to look in your
honest face.... I hope you can forgive us all.
PAUL. To err is human; to forgive, divine. I freely forgive you all.
_They murmur thanks, and PATRICK shakes hands with PAUL._
DAN. Is that all you want with me, fader?
DEEGAN. That’s all at present. For once in your life you have done me
a small service.
DAN. Well, I’m going to hide in here again.
_DENIS M’GOTHIGAN comes in fuming._
DENIS. Now I want no colyfoxin’! My daughter’s in this house
somewhere, and I mean to find her.... [_To DAN_] Where’s my Rose?
DAN. The Lord knows that, Denis, amen.... I hain’t seen her this six
weeks.
_ROSE comes from the cupboard crying._
PAUL. Now, Dan! Let the whole world see whether you’re good enough to
tie Rose M’Gothigan’s shoestrings. That blackthorn in your hand is not
solely for ornamentation.
DAN [_rushes beside ROSE and draws the blackthorn_]. I’m in flames,
but I’ll defend my own Rose to the death! I’ll have to fight the Blacks
and Red Indians in Philadelphy, and I may as well practise a bit at
home.... Now, Denis, I daar you!
PAUL [_with a loud laugh_]. Emancipated! Behold Dan Deegan
emancipated!
DENIS. I’ll not leave this house till Rose comes home ... and I’ll
give her a wiggin’ when she comes.... [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, will you give Mr. O’Hagan and me a word in
private?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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