Psmith in the CityWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith in the City
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Mike drove across the Park to Victoria, feeling very empty and small.
He had settled on Dulwich as the spot to get lodgings, partly because,
knowing nothing about London, he was under the impression that rooms
anywhere inside the four-mile radius were very expensive, but
principally because there was a school at Dulwich, and it would be a
comfort being near a school. He might get a game of fives there
sometimes, he thought, on a Saturday afternoon, and, in the summer,
occasional cricket.
Wandering at a venture up the asphalt passage which leads from Dulwich
station in the direction of the College, he came out into Acacia Road.
There is something about Acacia Road which inevitably suggests
furnished apartments. A child could tell at a glance that it was
bristling with bed-sitting rooms.
Mike knocked at the first door over which a card hung.
There is probably no more depressing experience in the world than the
process of engaging furnished apartments. Those who let furnished
apartments seem to take no joy in the act. Like Pooh-Bah, they do it,
but it revolts them.
In answer to Mike's knock, a female person opened the door. In
appearance she resembled a pantomime 'dame', inclining towards the
restrained melancholy of Mr Wilkie Bard rather than the joyous abandon
of Mr George Robey. Her voice she had modelled on the gramophone. Her
most recent occupation seemed to have been something with a good deal
of yellow soap in it. As a matter of fact--there are no secrets between
our readers and ourselves--she had been washing a shirt. A useful
occupation, and an honourable, but one that tends to produce a certain
homeliness in the appearance.
She wiped a pair of steaming hands on her apron, and regarded Mike with
an eye which would have been markedly expressionless in a boiled fish.
'Was there anything?' she asked.
Mike felt that he was in for it now. He had not sufficient ease of
manner to back gracefully away and disappear, so he said that there was
something. In point of fact, he wanted a bed-sitting room.
'Orkup stays,' said the pantomime dame. Which Mike interpreted to mean,
would he walk upstairs?
The procession moved up a dark flight of stairs until it came to a
door. The pantomime dame opened this, and shuffled through. Mike stood
in the doorway, and looked in.
It was a repulsive room. One of those characterless rooms which are
only found in furnished apartments. To Mike, used to the comforts of
his bedroom at home and the cheerful simplicity of a school dormitory,
it seemed about the most dismal spot he had ever struck. A sort of
Sargasso Sea among bedrooms.
He looked round in silence. Then he said: 'Yes.' There did not seem
much else to say.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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