“I take you all to witness that peace, war, and liberty are alike impossible for all. We are all agreed that evil exists somewhere, and that something must be done. [Loud cheers.] I have now the honour to propose a new, untried remedy. [Great excitement.] The only reasonable, lawful, and sacred course to follow is to struggle for knowledge. Why not take a leaf from human experience, and employ the Press to make known our wants, aspirations, customs, and usages, our public and private life. “Naturalists imagine they have done all when they have analysed our blood, and endeavoured to find out the secret of our noble instinct from our physical organisation. “We alone can relate our griefs, our patience under suffering, and our joys—joys so rare to creatures on which the hand of man has pressed so heavily.” The speaker paused to conceal his emotion. He continued: “Yes, we must publish our wrongs. “A word to the ladies. The circle which they most adorn is that of home, and to them must we look for information—jotted down in leisure-hours—on domestic subjects. Let them eschew politics. A lady politician is a creature to be avoided. I have further to crave the indulgence of this noble assembly in submitting the following articles— “_Article 1st._—It is proposed to vote unlimited funds to carry out the ‘Illustrated Public and Private History of Animals,’ the funds to be invested in Turkish Securities and Peruvian Bonds.” A Member of the Left proposes to take charge of the money-bag. The Mole suggests that the funds should be sunk in certain dark mining companies, of which he is an active director. This proposal is negatived by the Codfish, who is of opinion that {12} they would be safer at the bottom of the sea, as molehills have hitherto proved unremunerative. A Hen came forward with her Chickens, saying, as she had a number of little bills standing open, and which must be honoured, she would take part of the coin as a temporary loan, and do her best to lay golden eggs. This suggestion was referred to a select committee, and here the matter dropped. “_Article 2d._—The Journal of the Animals must combat ignorance and bad faith, the joint enemies of truth. The entire matter to be edited by competent brutes, in order to disarm criticism. “_Article 3d._—Men must be employed to perform the drudgery of printing. “_Article 4th._—The Fox must find an intelligent philanthropic publisher.” Here the Fox shook his head dolefully, and said he would try. “I have,” he continued, “imposed on myself the severest task of all, as the profits of publication must, for a long time, be absorbed in corrections, discounts, and advertising.”