We had thought that races between omnibuses had, owing to an entire lack of encouragement on the part of the police, died out, but we see that the L.C.O.C. is now advertising "Another Motor-Bus Derby." *** The police are said to be viewing with some apprehension the spread of habits of cleanliness among our house-breakers. Last week, for instance, some burglars who paid a visit to a Birmingham firm, after opening a safe and removing its contents, obtained a bucket of water and carefully removed all finger-marks. *** At a recent smoking-match at Brighton the winner kept an eighth of an ounce of tobacco alight for 103 minutes. The tobacco trade, we understand, is strongly opposed to the holding of competitions of this nature, "which serve no useful purpose whatever." *** "There are 'vintage years' for babies," says Dr. James Kerr. These must be the years when they take most readily to the bottle. *** Extract from an account in _The Birmingham News_ of a meeting at Solihull:--"The next business was the presentation of a handsome breakfast egg to the Rev. Courtnay Smith, B.A." Once upon a time such gifts were confined to political gatherings. *** In the course of his exploring expedition Mr. Roosevelt lost nearly four stone in weight, and it is rumoured that Mr. Taft may once again follow in his footsteps. *** A vulgar person with no respect for wealth has suggested that the Royal Automobile Club shall change its name to the Hotel Nouveau Ritz. *** [Illustration: "I say, I've a bone to pick with you." "Pardon me, Sir, that's quite impossible, for I'm a _strict vegetarian_."] *** Another Mysterious Disappearance. From a catalogue:-- "20 Dozens Bottles Excellent Old Tawny Port, sold without reserve by the Port of London Authority to pay for charges, the owner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year." We hope that, after this callous confession, Scotland Yard will now take action. *** Musical Candour. "The singing of the Bradshaw choirs broke up a happy evening."--_Local Paper._ *** We understand that the famous Presidential biography, _From Log-Cabin to White House_, is to be followed by another, entitled, _From White House to Semi-attached Villa_. *** "'Reflection,' a picture of an elderly gentleman lost in thought after a lonely dinner, not only suggests a story, but how effective Mr. Jack is with interiors." _Cork Constitution._ In this picture, however, the gentleman's interior is wisely left to the imagination. * * * * * THE UNHAPPY MEAN. (_How the Budget strikes a Brain-Worker._)