A translation is announced of a book by August Strindberg, entitled "Fair Haven and Foul Strand." Those of us who remember the Strand of twenty years ago, with its mud baths, will not consider the epithet too strong. *** There is, we hear, considerable satisfaction among the animals at the Zoo at the result of a recent competition open to readers of _The Express_. It has been decided that the ugliest animal in the collection is the orang-utan, who resembles a human being more closely than any other animal. *** Meanwhile it has been decided, humanely, not to break the news to the orang-utan himself until the weather gets cooler. * * * * * [Illustration: _The Patriarch._ "I don't believe this 'ere about tellin' a man's character just by lookin' at 'is face. It ain't possible."] * * * * * DE MORTUIS NIL NISI BONUM. Lines dedicated to the outraged memory of Keats. [Two pretty poor sonnets by Keats have been exposed by a Mr. Horner and exploited in facsimile, twice over in one week, by _The Times_. In its _Literary Supplement_, where they made their second appearance, we are told with cynical candour that "afterwards, when he had become ashamed of his crowning" (the foolish episode which is the subject of these two sonnets) Keats "kept them from publication; and Reynolds" (the friend to whom he confided them), "knowing the story, respected his feelings after his death."] What is there in the poet's human lot Most beastly loathsome? Haply you will say An influenza in the prime of May? Or haply, nosed in some suburban plot, The reek of putrid cabbage when it's hot? Or, with the game all square and one to play, To be defeated by a stymie? Nay, I know of something worse--I'll tell you what. It is to have your rotten childish rhymes (Rotten as these) dragged from oblivion's shroud Where, with the silly act that gave them birth, They lay as lie the dead in sacred earth, And see them, twice in one week, boomed aloud To tickle penny readers of _The Times_. O. S. * * * * * THE AUDIT. This income of mine, in which the world has suddenly become so interested, must be calculated from the following returns of past years, being the figures supplied privately to Phyllis:-- (1) guineas. L 1911-1912. By fees as specialist 113 By occasional papers in Medical Journals 35 1912-1913. ditto 152 ditto 42 1913-1914. ditto 203 ditto 37 (2) My capital is invested in Ordinary Stock, and brings in anything from L50 to L100 a year, in accordance with the varying moods of the directors.