* * * * * [Illustration: "Very sorry, Sir; But I'm afraid I've made a small cut on your chin." "Ah! It must have been a sharp patch on the razor."] * * * * * THE COLONEL TALKS. The great hunter and explorer received us with profound affability. Thinner he may be, but his terrible privations in the perilous back blocks of Brazil have left his dazzling bonzoline smile unharmed. Every one of the powerful two-and-thirty extended a separate welcome. "Sit right down," he said. We sat right down. "Say, Colonel," we began in the vernacular, "tell us about the river. Some river, ain't it?" "You are right, Sir," he replied. "It's a river. The Thames, according to your great statesman, Colonel Burns, is 'liquid history;' my river is----" "According to Savage Landor," we interrupted, "'liquid mystery.'" The explorer's face fell. "I will deal with him later," he said. "Meanwhile let me tell you, Sir, that this is no slouch of a river. It has all the necessary ingredients of a river. It has banks, and a current. There are fish in it. Boats and canoes can progress on its surface. Twenty-three times did I risk my valuable life in saving boats and canoes that had got adrift. It has rapids. Twenty-eight times did I nearly drown in negotiating them. It has some ugly snags. The ugliest I have called 'Wilson,' the next ugliest, 'Bryan.'" He stopped for applause and we let him have it. "It was a great discovery of yours," we said, after he had bowed several times. "No, Sir," he replied, "let us get that right. It is not my discovery. It is the discovery of Colonel Rondor." "Well, you keep it among the colonels anyway," we said. "In America, Sir," replied the modern Columbus--"in G. O. C., by which I mean God's Own Country--we keep everything among the colonels. But to proceed--it is not my discovery. All that I did was to trace it to its source in order to put it on the map. That is my ambition--the crowning moment of my _ex-officio_ life--to put this river on the map. It will mean a boom in South America at last. They are all out-of-date and new ones must be made." "And what will you call the river?" I asked. "I am not sure," he said. "Some want it to be known as the 'Roosevelt,' but that does not please me. The 'Rondor' would be better, or 'The Two Colonels.' Can you suggest anything?" "Why not 'The Sixty-five'?" we said, "since you lost sixty-five pounds in your travels." "Good," he said. "I will put the point to Kermet." "And is that your only triumph," we asked--"the river?" "Oh, no," he said. "There is a bird too. A new bird, about the size of a turkey." "Turkey in Europe or Turkey in Asia?" we asked. He pulled a gun from his belt and stroked it lovingly. There are moments when even an interviewer' recognises the dangers of importunity, and this was one. * * * * * ONE OF OUR GREATEST. An Interview.