These, however, were not the figures I quoted to Charles Dugmore, A.T. There was no port about him, and still less did he wait for me to introduce the subject. He sent me a sharp note and gave me twenty-one days to answer, in default of which he said he would have the law on me. Still, there is a certain rough kindness even about your Assessor of Taxes; this one enclosed a slip of paper, which he hoped I wouldn't read, but which, when I did read it, suggested to me my middle course of safety. "Work out your income, on lines consistent with honesty, at less than L160, and you've won," it said. With the assistance of the advice it gave, I had no difficulty in doing this; thus:-- MY INCOME ('14 to '15):. L (1) _Trade, Vocation or Profession, A Specialist._ (To estimate this item it is necessary to take actual figures of last three years, which show an average of 164 pounds. It is difficult to say how much of this will be net profit after making allowance for estimated rental of professional premises and other liabilities, but let us give the Inland Revenue the benefit of the doubt and say 50%. 50% of 164 is 82 (2) _Ditto, Occasional literature_. (This is a fluctuating stipend, at the figure of (_circa_) 35. But one's inspiration gets exhausted. Allowing for same, and for pens, ink and paper, put this figure at 27 (3) Interest on Investments, say 50 ---- L159 ==== Ulster may fight and Mexico may be right; nevertheless these things are apt to be forgotten when conversation reverts, as it always does, to My Income. The sordid subject came up again for discussion when Phyllis and I went to have a preliminary chat with the house-agent. "You have spoken with eloquence and conviction about reception-rooms, out-houses, railway stations, golf courses, and h. and c.," said I, "but sooner or later some one must rise and say a few pointed words about Rent." "That all depends on what you are prepared to give," he replied. "The rough-and-ready rule is to fix one's rent at a tenth of one's income." "Yes, but which income?" I asked. "For I have two incomes and I can't afford a separate house for each." He had no formula for my case and I left him a little later under a cloud of suspicion. Your house-agent is an ill judge of the subtler forms of humour. * * * * * THE COALITION TOUCH. [Illustration: _Preparing To receive By-election Cavalry._ Front Rank (_to Rear Rank_). "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ENEMY MAY THINK OF YOUR PIKE, BUT PERSONALLY IT INCOMMODES ME!"]