"You want all these inanimate things to speak?" said the new comer. "Well, you will be disappointed if they do." ALICE protested that she would be delighted beyond measure if they would but talk. "It will be interesting, so very interesting, dear godmother," she cried; and then she added, "I suppose I may assume that you _are_ my godmother?" "You may assume anything you like," snapped out the little old lady; "only don't bother me. Here! I authorise all these things to talk. I will be back again by-and-by to see how you are getting on. Adieu." And then the little old lady disappeared. And then, as she had foretold, ALICE suffered great disappointment. The Cup and Saucer "A Present from Ramsgate," began speaking sixteen words to the dozen, but ALICE could not make out the meaning. Then the Old Grandfather's Clock talked, but without better effect. ALICE could not understand a syllable. And the box of tin Highlanders followed suit. So did a doll dressed as an Irish peasant. Then all sorts of things that seemed to be English to the backbone or last ounce of metal--scissors, books, and calico curtains--kept up a fire of conversation. But ALICE could make out nothing. She was absolutely astounded. Here were heaps of British goods suddenly endowed with the power of speech, and yet she could not understand them! And as she considered, the little old lady again appeared. "Well, child!" she exclaimed. "What's the matter? You seem perplexed! Have not all the toys been talking?" "Why, yes," faltered ALICE; "but then you see I cannot understand a word they say!" "Of course you cannot," replied the Fairy. "They speak only their native language." "Their native language! Then why don't they speak English?" "Because, my good girl," returned the Fairy, preparing to take her departure, "they cannot. You see, young lady, they don't know anything about the English language, and this is natural enough, for they were all made in Germany!" * * * * * THE FUTURE OF HOME RULE. MR. GL-DST-NE: ANOTHER TELEPATHIC AUTOMATIC INTERVIEW. I had not seen Mr. GL-DST-NE for two days, nor had I heard from him for three posts, neither knew I where he was. I knew he _had_ been at Downing Street. That evening I found myself in an Inner Circle train, and no sooner there than I made up my mind to ask Mr. GL-DST-NE if he would mind my interviewing him. My hand at once wrote--on the margin of my evening paper--that he was at Downing Street, and that I might have the interview. It was quite an ordinary one, except that I thought the questions and wrote the answers on my knee with my hand. "Well, Mr. GL-DST-NE," I said, or, rather, thought, "what do you think of Home Rule?" My hand (not the Old Parliamentary Hand) wrote:--