Produced by Neville Allen, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Vol. 159. October 20, 1920. CHARIVARIA. "Whenever I am in London," writes an American journalist, "I never miss the House of Commons." Nor do we, during the Recess. * * * "If Lord KENYON wishes, I am prepared to fight him with any weapon he chooses to name at any time," announced Sir CLAUDE CHAMPION DE CRESPIGNY recently to a representative of _The Star_. In sporting circles it is thought that, in spite of his recent declaration, Mr. C. B. COCHRAN may consent to stage the encounter. * * * At the Air Conference last week Lieut.-Colonel MOORE-BRABAZON, M. P., said the Government should appoint experts to control the weather. It looks as if _The Daily Mail_ was not going to have things all its own way. * * * "The object of Poland," says M. DOMBSKI, "is peace, hard work and production." These were at one time the object of England, and she still hopes to get peace. * * * Mr. PUSSYFOOT JOHNSON has told a Glasgow audience that he is no kill-joy, but smokes cigars. It is also said that he has been seen going the pace playing dominoes. * * * "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." We can only add that the price of apples is enough to keep anybody away. * * * "What is a Penny Roll?" asks a headline. The answer is "Three half-pence." * * * The average boarding-house, says a gossip writer, is not what it seems. No, unfortunately it is what it is. * * * We understand that the world's record fast has been accomplished by a Scotsman, who has succeeded in remaining in Prohibition America for seven months and three days. * * * South Sea Islanders, when greeting friends, says _Tit Bits_, fling a jar of water over them. Cats on night duty are now putting a kindlier interpretation on the treatment they receive. * * * An employee at a coal-mine in Ohio is reported to have died from overwork. There is consolation in the fact that this could not possibly happen in England. * * * Three Glasgow workmen have started on a walk to London. With the possibility of a vote in favour of a dry Scotland we suppose they started early to avoid the rush. * * * It is still very doubtful whether JACK DEMPSEY can meet JESS WILLARD, says a sporting paper. A dear old lady thinks he might get over the difficulty by dropping him a letter. * * * It is reported that the captain of a village fire brigade recently declined to call his men out to a fire because it was raining. Unfortunately the owner of the fire was too busy to keep it going till the first fine day. * * *