ESTABLISHMENT FOR YOUNG LADIES, AND PREPARATORY SCHOOL FOR LITTLE BOYS, _Conducted by_ THE MISSES MELPOMENE AND THALIA. The Curriculum includes thorough grounding in Knowledge of Life, and in High-class Virtue and Honesty. The Pupils are carefully restrained from the practice of "unlovely middle-class virtue." Severe morality constantly inculcated. Mere amusement strictly excluded. Aristocratic Deportment and Etiquette taught by experienced Assistants. For further particulars apply to Mr. ENRY HAUTHUR JONES. * * * * * [Illustration: A PRICELESS POSSESSION. _Mrs. Golightly._ "OH, I HOPE YOU WON'T THINK IT RUDE, BUT WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT THAT WONDERFUL BLACK STONE YOU'RE WEARING IS?" _Mrs. Luxor._ "OH, CERTAINLY. I FIND MOST PEOPLE ENVY ME THAT. IT'S A PIECE OF REAL ENGLISH COAL!" _Mrs. Golightly._ "HOW WONDERFUL! AH, I WISH _MY_ HUSBAND WAS A MILLIONAIRE!"] * * * * * AWFUL RESULT OF THE COAL FAMINE. (_Upon an Ordinarily Innocent and Non-punning Fire-worshipper_). Oh! _what_ a period! Strikes might puzzle SOLON! I love, in winter--having shut up shop-- My snug back-parlour fire to _semi-colon_, Now there's no _colon_, fuel's at a _full-stop!_ I have burned coke, wood, turf, aye, even slate, But to _no_ fire myself cannot a-comma-date! * * * * * "PRACTICAL JOHN."--Mr. HOLLINGSHEAD'S advertisement, headed "Plain Words to the Public," is eminently characteristic of the author. Says he, "The prices I start with I shall stand or fall by." Certainly, as the prices are moderate, the public will stand them, so he needn't trouble himself on that score. If he be riding for a fall, and if the public won't come down heavily, let us hope, if he fall at all, he will come down lightly. Then he adds, in his own independent way, "If it is thought necessary to tamper with these prices in an upward direction" ["tampering upward" is pretty], "I shall give up this, my final effort in theatrical management" [Oh, no, don't!--please don't!!], "and walk out of the building." Why "walk"? By his own free admission he will be driven out (which sounds like a contradiction in terms), so why make a virtue of walking out. Never walk when you can ride. But J. H. walk out!! "_J. H. y suis et J. H. y reste._" * * * * * THE BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL WORKING-MAN. (_As described by Sir E. Arnold at Birmingham._)