* * * * * A BUTTON-HOLE FOR MR. CHAMBERLAIN.--At the sale of the Quorn House Orchids, Mr. G. HARDY purchased a _Cattleyn Mendelli_ for 220 _guas_. Perhaps Mr. CHAMBERLAIN wouldn't bid, having mistaken "Mendelli" for "Mundella." But to have entered the house in a careless fashion, with a "glass (with care)" in his eye, and a two-hundred-and-twenty-guinea Orchid in his button-hole, would have been a great sight for "JOEY B"-IRMINGHAM. * * * * * EARLY AND LATE.--A telegram in the _Times_, Wednesday 12, was headed--"Japan: Yokohama, March 30 (_via_ Victoria, B.C., April 11)." This met the eye of our old friend, Mrs. R., who forthwith exclaimed, "'April 11, B.C.!' and only arrived here now--April 12, A.D.!" * * * * * CHANGE OF NAME.--All congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Fife. Great alterations and improvements are, it is said, being made at Mar Lodge. The name also is to be altered, and henceforth it is to be known as "_Mar and Pa' Lodge_." * * * * * THE MOAN OF THE TWO (EXCHEQUER) MISERS. (_After Quintin Matsys._) [Illustration] _First Exchequer Miser._ Oh dear me! I desired to shape a Democratic Budget! But I fear 'twill be a fizzle, howsoe'er I fake and fudge it! _Second E. M._ Don't talk like that, my H-RC-T, for such cynic slang is shocking! But--the Revenue Returns, no doubt, our dearest hopes are mocking. _First E. M._ Oh, I know you ape the casuist, and love the pleonastic, But how tackle our taxation in a manner really drastic With a Revenue declining! From the task my courage blenches, But--what will be the consequence on those clamorous Rad Benches? They want Free Breakfast Tables, and are hot on Members' Payment, And if they cannot get 'em, will they curse and rend our raiment? The Death Duties, too! The failure to touch them might be the death of us! _Second R. M._ Yet we've been economical; it is the very breath of us. _First E. M._ Humph! How about your Home-Rule Bill's Finance Proposals--drat'em! Which e'en the Irish threaten to tear up--when they get at 'em! _Second E. M._ The Rads, of course, will want to eat their cake and have it, also. No, a Democratic Budget,--at least one the Rads would call so,-- I fear's not on the cards, H., but--humph! listen! (_Whispers in his ear._) For the rest of it I'll trust your ingenuity, and--we must make the best of it! [_Left working it out._ * * * * * [Illustration: "A PRIVATE VIEW." _Pat._ "WHAT D'YE THINK OF THE HOME-RULE BILL, MURPHY?" _Murphy_ (_puzzled_). "BEGORRA, IF IT MEANS STAYING AT HOME WITH THE OULD WOMAN EVERY BLESSED DAY, HOME RULE WON'T DO FOR ME AT ALL, AT ALL!"] * * * * * "PER DAMNA, PER CAEDES," PERAMBULATOR.