(_New Nursery Rhyme for Unionists._) [Mr. LABOUCHERE recently presented a petition in the Chinese characters.] LAB-BI, the cynic and cold, Was blackest sheep in the Liberal fold. He mocked the Old Man's eloquent tags, And let the cats out of all his bags; And when the cats ran loose, said he "I wonder how _that_ suits dear G!" * * * * * [Illustration: "To-night is ours!"] ELEVATING THE MASSES. (_A Purely Imaginary Sketch._) ARGUMENT--Mrs. FLITTERMOUSE, _having got up a party to assist her in giving an Entertainment at the East End, has called a meeting for the purpose of settling the items in the programme._ SCENE--Mrs. FLITTERMOUSE'S _Drawing-room in Park Lane. Everybody discovered drinking tea, and chatting on matters totally unconnected with Philanthropy._ _Mrs. Flittermouse_ (_imploringly_). Now, _please_, everybody, _do_ attend! It's quite impossible to settle anything while you're all talking about something else. (_Apologies, protests, constrained silence._) SELINA, dear, what do you think it would be best to begin with? _The Dowager Lady Dampier._ My dear FRITILLA, I have no suggestion to offer. You know my opinion about the whole thing. The people don't want to be elevated, and--if they did--entertaining them is not the proper means to set about it. But I don't wish to discourage you. _Mrs. Flitt._ Oh, but I think we could do so _much_ to give them a taste for more rational and refined amusements, poor things, to wean them from the coarse pleasures which are all they have at present. Only we must really decide what each of us is going to do. _Mrs. Perse-Weaver._ A violin solo is always popular. And my daughter CECILIA will be delighted to play for you. She has been taught by the best---- _Cecilia._ Oh, Mother, I couldn't, really! I've never played in public. I _know_ I should break down! _Lady Damp._ In that case, my dear, it would be certainly unwise on your part to attempt it. _Mrs. P.-W._ Nonsense, CECILIA, nonsense. You _won't_ break down, and it wouldn't matter in the least if you did. _They_ wouldn't notice anything. And it will be such excellent practice for you to get accustomed to a platform, too. Of _course_ she will play for you, dear Mrs. FLITTERMOUSE! _Mrs. Flitt._ It will be _so_ good of you, Miss WEAVER. And it won't be like playing to a _real_ audience, you know--poor people are so easily pleased, poor dears. Then I will put that down to begin with. (_She makes a note._) Now we must have something quite different for the next--a reading or something. _Lady Honor Hyndleggs._ A--nothin' _humorous_, I hope. I do think we ought to avoid anythin' like descendin' to their level, don't you know. _Mr. Lovegroove._ Might try something out of _Pickwick_. "_Bob Sawyer's Party_," you know. Can't go far wrong with anything out of DICKENS.