"WAITE FOR THE END."--On Friday last, at another Unemployed Meeting, a certain person, whose name is never mentioned in ears polite, "found mischief still," as wrote the immortal Dr. WATTS, "for idle hands to do," and set one WAITE, whether a light or heavy weight is not stated, and one SULLIVAN, by the ears. It was a hand-to-hand fight, and WAITE was subsequently captured and brought before the Magistrate. _Mem._ for WAITE, in the words of a recently popular song, "_Never hit a Man of the name of Sullivan._" * * * * * FALLEN FORTUNES.--Quoth _The Observer_ of a certain celebrity, "The family to which he belongs can trace an uninterrupted descent for a period of six centuries." What an awful "come-down"! _Quelle degringolade!_ * * * * * BETWEEN TWO GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS.--"What do you think of CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN'S choice of an assistant private secretary? Odd? eh?" "Not odd! _Strange._" * * * * * PROVERB FOR MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT WHO WISH TO SECURE SEATS.--"Two Hats are better than one." * * * * * [Illustration: SELF-PRESERVATION IS THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE; OR, GETTING THE START OF CRINOLINE.] * * * * * THE INFANT'S GUIDE TO KNOWLEDGE. CONCERNING CASH. _Question._ What is cash? _Answer._ Cash may be described as comfort in the concrete. _Q._ Is it not sometimes called "the root of all evil"? _A._ Yes, by those who do not possess it. _Q._ Is it possible to live without cash? _A._ Certainly--upon credit. _Q._ Can you tell me what is credit? _A._ Credit is the motive power which induces persons who have cash, to part with some of it to those who have it not. _Q._ Can you give me an instance of credit? _A._ Certainly. A young man who is able to live at the rate of a thousand a-year, with an income not exceeding nothing a month, is a case of credit. _Q._ Would it be right to describe such a transaction "as much to his credit"? _A._ It would be more precise to say, "much by his credit;" although the former phrase would be accepted by a large class of the community as absolutely accurate. _Q._ What is bimetallism? _A._ Bimetallism is a subject that is frequently discussed by amateur financiers, after a good dinner, on the near approach of the coffee. _Q._ Can you give me your impression of the theory of bimetallism? _A._ My impression of bimetallism is the advisability of obtaining silver, if you cannot get gold. _Q._ What is the best way of securing gold? _A._ The safest way is to borrow it. _Q._ Can money be obtained in any other way? _A._ In the olden time it was gathered on Hounslow Heath and other deserted spots, by mounted horsemen wearing masks and carrying pistols. _Q._ What is the modern way of securing funds, on the same principles, but with smaller risk? _A._ By promoting Companies and other expedients known to the members of the Stock Exchange.