_Fourth Empt._ I wonder what they are doing on the stage? Oh, I see that the Act is nearly over! Well, I daresay it has been very amusing. _Rest of Audience (furious)._ Hush! Hush! Hush! _First Empt._ There descends the curtain! By the way, what a noise those people in the pit have been making! I wonder what it was all about? _Second Empt._ I haven't the faintest notion. However, when the play begins again, I hope they won't make any more noise. It is so disrespectful to the Audience. _First Empt._ And the Company. Why can't people behave themselves in a theatre? _Second, Third, and Fourth Empt. (in chorus)._ Ah yes! Why can't they? [_Scene closes in upon a renewal of chatter upon the raising of the Curtain on another Act._ * * * * * "GIVE A _DAY_ A BAD NAME AND----."--It is stated that the day of the disgraceful Donnybrook in the House of Commons has been nicknamed "Collar Day," because Mr. HAYES FISHER seized Mr. LOGAN by the collar, and Mr. CHAMBERLAIN "collared" Mr. O'BRIEN'S table in the dining-room. This is all very well in its way, but would not "_Choler_ Day" be more appropriate and intelligible? * * * * * A DREAM-BOOK _For Would-be Travellers._ If you dream of-- _Antwerp._ Remember the Reubens and forget the passage over. _Boulogne._ Remember the Casino and forget the Port. _Calais._ Remember the Restaurant at the station and forget the dull surroundings. _Dieppe._ Remember the Plage and forget the occasional gales. _Etretat._ Remember the sands and forget the prices. _Florence._ Remember the pictures and forget the heat. _Geneva._ Remember the lake and forget the city. _Heidelberg._ Remember the castle and forget the climbing. _Interlachen._ Remember the Jung Frau and forget the tourists. _Japan._ Remember the interesting associations and forget the length of the journey. _Lisburn._ Remember that it is little known and forget that it is not worth seeing. _Madrid._ Remember that you can get there in two days and forget that you will regret the time you spend upon the trip. _Naples._ Remember that you should see the Bay and forget that you are expected to die immediately afterwards. _Paris._ Remember that it is always pleasant and forget that the exception is during August. _Quebec._ Remember it's in Canada and forget that it's the least pleasing place in America. _Rome._ Remember its objects of interest and forget its fever. _Strasbourg._ Remember that it has a Cathedral and forget that the clock is a fraud. _Turin._ Remember that it might be quite worth the journey and forget that it isn't. _Venice._ Remember its canals and forget its odours. _Vichy._ Remember that there is a good hotel and forget that you have been there a dozen times before. _Wiesbaden._ Remember the glories of its past and forget the sadness of its present. _Zurich._ Remember that it is completely abroad and forget that there's no place like home.