A Parliament perhaps they may require, But its Members very likely don't obstruct, And each Government proposition just delights the Opposition, And anyone who makes a noise is "chucked." Very possibly they do not care for speech, But if indeed they've got a Grand Old Man In whom the fancy lingers, why, he talks upon his fingers, And they answer on the self-same plan! Only fancy, &c. * * * * * Mrs. R. says there is such a scare now about typhoid, that she always takes a tin of dis-connecting fluid about with her. She also says, a bottle of automatic vinegar is very refreshing in church. * * * * * MY GARDENERESS. ["Lady CARLISLE is training an entire staff of women gardeners, who, she hopes, will keep the grounds of her Yorkshire home in as perfect a condition as their male predecessors have done."--_Pall Mall Gazette._] Come into the garden, MAUD, Why has not the grass been mown? Come into the garden, MAUD, Those seeds have never been sown; I fear you've been taking your walks abroad-- You blush like a rose full-blown. When the early snail first moves, Before the sun is on high, Beginning to gnaw the leaves he loves On the beds, you should always try To pick him off with your garden gloves, And stamp on him--he must die. You can't touch snails? Let that pass, I will smash each one in his shell; But when it rains you can roll the grass, When dry can water it well. You say you can't wet your boots--alas!-- Nor work when it's warm, _ma belle_? And yet your wages you claim; I should like to know what you do. In truth I can't bear to blame Such a sweet pretty girl as you; So stop as my gardener all the same-- I'll be master and workman too. Queen rose of the rosebud garden of girls, Rough work should never be done By delicate hands as white as pearls, You only began for fun; So sit, with your parasol over your curls, Whilst I dig like mad in the sun. * * * * * [Illustration: IMPROVED COSTUME FOR THE METROPOLITAN POLICE DURING THE GREAT HEAT OF 1893.] * * * * * WHO IS IT? _A Political Enigma. Compounded from the Press of the Period._ [Illustration]