Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 December 23rd, 1893 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 December 23rd, 1893Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 December 23rd, 1893
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
No sooner had we arrived than I felt that we were indeed in a home of
mystery, to which the Egyptian Hall of Messrs. MASKELYNE and COOKE was
a mere baby. There was in the air a heavy odour of detection, a sort
of clinging mist of inductive argument, a vaporous emanation of crimes
logically discovered and inferentially revealed, a pervading miasma
of obtuse police-inspectors relieved by complimentary magistrates and
eulogistic judges. The description may seem highly-coloured, but it
represents with literal accuracy the impression made upon my mind by
my entrance into the ancestral mansion of the HOLES family. Nor
was this impression removed as we ascended the stairs. On the first
landing we found Mrs. GUMPSHON engaged in teaching her youngest boy,
AUGUSTUS O'BRIEN GUMPSHON, a correct system of guess-work. The boy, a
bright little fellow of five, was at that moment in disgrace. He had
courageously attempted to guess his mother's age, and having in an
excess of rashness fixed the figure at forty-two, he had been severely
punished, and was at that moment languishing in a corner of the
landing. In the drawing-room we found the rest of the family. Sir
AMINADAB, it appeared, had murdered the footman some ten minutes
before our arrival, and had contrived by the aid of a pair
of blood-stained braces, which were one of his most cherished
possessions, to fix the guilt upon Lady HOLES, in whose basket-trunk,
moreover, the dismembered body of the unfortunate menial had been
discovered by the cook. The ingenuity of this diabolical plot had for
some nine minutes baffled the whole family. Lady HOLES was just about
to resign herself to the inevitable arrest, when HAYLOFT HOLES, with
an appearance of calm nonchalance, eminently suited to his impassive
features, had produced from his father's waistcoat pocket two of
the unfortunate footman's silver buttons, and had thus convicted Sir
AMINADAB of the crime. As we entered the drawing-room we were almost
overwhelmed with the shouts of joy that welcomed this wonderful
exhibition of the family talent. SKAIRKROW HOLES, who was of a more
reflective turn of mind, had, it seemed, been looking out of the
window at the passers-by, and had just proved triumphantly to his
youngest niece, JEMIMA, that a man whom she had taken for a vendor
of cat's meat was in reality a director of a building society who
had defrauded the miserable investors of fifty-two thousand pounds,
eighteen shillings, and ninepence halfpenny. It was into this happy
family party that HOLES and I, led by ISABEL GUMPSHON, intruded on the
memorable evening of which I speak.
(_To be continued._)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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