The gorse is out in kissing time, And that is always--so the saw. But know from henceforth (and this rhyme) This does not follow in the Law. For she, who, jilted by her swain, Brings him to Court, and braves the laughter, Must--if she longs for gold--refrain From kissing Number Two--till after! * * * * * A Little Girl's Christmas Story. Polly! | Folly! Holly! | (Gobbles!) Jolly! | Colly Dolly! | (Wobbles!) * * * * * OUR BARTERERS.--SIDEBOARD.--I have a magnificent-looking article, made of unseasoned deal, coloured to resemble walnut. As great care has been taken to imitate a really first-class piece of furniture by a good maker, it is hoped that the fact that the wood is certain to split and warp, that the drawers jam, that the keyholes are dummies, and that the whole is a piece of cunning shoddy, will escape the attention of the average purchasing idiot. What offers? * * * * * TO PICKWICKIAN STUDENTS.--Of what class of persons is it recorded in _Pickwick_ that "their looks are not prepossessing and their manners are peculiar"? * * * * * THE CRY OF THE CIVIC TURTLE. 'Twas the voice of the Turtle, I heard him complain, "You would wake me! Be off!! Let me slumber again! Your 'Royal Commission on Unification' Be ----!" something that seemed to convey commination. "_I_ shan't 'tender evidence'--hang it, not I!-- Why I, as a separate body, should die! I've power, prosperity, plumpness, and pelf; If you want an 'Amalgam'--why, mix it yourself!" * * * * * Feminine Saturnalia. [Miss KLUMPKE has just achieved a great triumph with a learned treatise on the Rings of Saturn.] Oh! maiden, learned, wise, you can To froward woman prove a pattern, You pay your due respect to Man By writing up the Rings--of Saturn! * * * * * NEW PRANDIAL PROVERBS.--What's underdone can't be helped. A bird in a pie is worth two in a dish. Apollinaris (or any other) water in time saves wine. The early guest gets it hot. It is never too late to dine. * * * * * A TRUTH IN SEASON.--What would Christmas be without the Cracker? Messrs. G. SPARAGNAPANE have their reply ready with their "Cracker Skirt-Dancer" and their "May Blossom" (so nice in December), which is a pleasant souvenir of _The_ Wedding. Of course, all these crackers will "go off" well! * * * * * [Illustration: INDEX] ADAPTED, 64 Ad Fratrem, 3 Adventures of Picklock Holes (The), 69, 76, 85, 100, 168, 213, 289, 301 Advertiser's Appeal, 270 Afternoon Party (An), 13 "After the Ball" in Paris, 297 After the Call, 243 Alexander and Diogenes, 162 Anacreontics for All, 273 Angels, 186 Another Scene at the Play, 64