_U. U. Novelist._ Quite so! But if there is to be division of profits, there should be division of losses as well. So (_taking out chequebook, and hurriedly writing in it_) there! Not a word of thanks! It's merely repaying you the fifteen hundred I've received, with another thousand to compensate you for the loss on production. _Publisher (melted into tears)._ Oh, thanks, thanks! You have averted ruin from my starving little ones! And if you _should_ wish to bring out any other work of ----. He is gone, to escape my gratitude! (_Takes up cheque._) By far the best thing he ever wrote! (_Curtain._) * * * * * POLITICAL PARALLEL.--Mr. CHAMBERLAIN declared the other day the Government were in a hole. Was it in reference to this that the Duke of ARGYLL spoke in the Lords of Lord ROSEBERY'S "Pitt"? * * * * * A GLASS TOO MUCH (FOR OUTSIDERS LAST WEDNESDAY).--_Isinglass._ * * * * * UNDER THE ROSE. (_A Story in Scenes._) SCENE II.--_Same as preceding._ Mr. TOOVEY _is slowly recovering from the mental collapse produced by the mention of the word "Eldorado."_ _Mrs. Toovey._ ALTHEA is out of the room, Pa, so there is no reason why you should not speak out plainly. _Mr. Toovey (to himself)._ No reason--oh! But I must say _something_. If only I knew whether it was my Eldorado--but, no, it's a mere coincidence! (_Aloud--shakily._) CHARLES, my boy, you--you've shocked me very much indeed, as you can see. But, about the name of this establishment, now--isn't it a curious one for--for a _music-hall_, CHARLES? M--mightn't it be confused with--well--say a _mine_, now? _Mrs. T._ THEOPHILUS, this is scarcely the tone----. I expected you to give this misguided boy a solemn warning of the ruin he may incur by having anything to do with such a haunt. _Mr. T. (to himself)._ Ah, I'm afraid I'm only too well qualified to do that. (_Aloud._) I do, CHARLES, I _do_--though at the same time, I can quite understand how one may, unwittingly--I mean, you might not be aware of---- _Mrs. T._ You, Pa, of all people in the world, trying to find excuses for his depravity! The very name of the place is enough to indicate its nature! _Mr. T. (hastily)._ No, my love, surely not. _There_ I think you go too far--too far altogether! _Mrs. T._ I appeal to Mr. CURPHEW to say whether such a place is a proper resort for _any_ young man. _Curphew (to himself)._ Wish I was well out of this! (_Aloud._) I--I really don't feel qualified to give an opinion, Mrs. TOOVEY. Many young men _do_ go to them, I believe. _Charles (to himself)._ Is this chap a prig, or a humbug? I'll draw him. (_Aloud._) I suppose, from that, you never think of going yourself? _Mrs. T._ Mr. CURPHEW'S tastes are rather different from yours, CHARLES. I am very sure that he is never to be seen among the audience at any music-hall, are you, Mr. CURPHEW?