NEG. You will do as you like, your Majesty. My instructions are to treat your will as law. I have no wish to control your actions, as I accept you as the constitutional sovereign of an independent state. Do what you please, and what pleases you will please me also. My instructions are to give you entire freedom of action--so long as that freedom chimes in with our requirements! [_Scene closes upon the pleasing proceedings._ * * * * * PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.--Mr. BIGG STUFFER writes to us, "I see the Princess and her daughters visited the grandest gorge in Norway. Well, after a day's touring with my friend GRUBBER, I think the pair of us will show any traveller about the biggest gorge anywhere." [Illustration: LITTLE BILL-EE! (_After Thackeray._) "OH, BILL-EE! WE'RE GOING TO KILL AND EAT YOU, SO UNDO THE BUTTON OF YOUR CHEMIE." WHEN BILL RECEIVED THIS INFORMATION, HE USED HIS POCKET-HANDKERCHIE.] * * * * * [Illustration: THE ABSTRACT AND THE CONCRETE. _Mamma (solemnly)._ "'BUT HE LAY LIKE A WARRIOR TAKING HIS REST, WITH HIS MARTIAL CLOAK AROUND HIM.'" _Small Child._ "AND DID HE _REALLY_ GET IT FROM MARSHALL AND SNELGROVE'S, MUMMY?"] * * * * * AN OLD "ADELPHI TRIUMPH!" Passing through town from one country place to another. Sparse attendance at club. Am regarded with surprise by the few members present, all anxious to explain why it is they are not out of London. "Autumn Session" splendid excuse for everybody generally. "Compelled to stop in town, dear boy. Autumn Session, dash it!" "But you're not in the House." "No," is the ready rejoinder, "if I were I would 'pair' and fly to the moors. But business connected with the House" (this given with that mysterious nod and wink which together, or apart, are accounted as equally intelligible to a blind horse), "business, my dear chap, detains me." Great chance for the club bore to get an audience of one. The Ancient Mariner's time is in the dead season, when he can stop the shootist _en route._ I am wary, and avoid him. I will dine earlyish, and go to--let me see, what hospitable house of theatrical entertainment is open? The Adelphi. Here I can see _A Woman's Revenge_, as written by HENRY PETTITT. Quite so. Dine at 6.30, and see it all out, as I hear the final scene, an Old Bailey Trial, realistic to the last degree, is the great attraction. Clearly to understand the pleadings on behalf of the prisoner at the Bar I must be conversant with the details of the entire story. By 8.10 I am in my seat, regretting the loss of ten minutes' worth of the plot. Regret soon ceases on finding that I am among old friends acting a story more or less familiar to every playgoer. The house is literally crowded in every part, and this, too, on a far from cold night at the very end of August. Town may be empty, but the Adelphi is full, and "The Heavenly Twins," the Messrs.