"He's got no friends--that are worth the mention; He'll never be missed by his countaree, He is a noosance, he'll be a riddance, And we'll both get thanked for devouring he." To guzzling BOB says gorging HARTY, "On this here pint we both agree-- This precious Bill _must_ be spifflicated, And we're both hungry, so let's eat he!" * * * * * "Oh, BILL-EE! we're going to kill and eat you, So undo the button of your chemie!" When BILL received this information, He used his pocket-handkerchie. First let me say my Apologia, Which Capting WILLYUM taught to me! "Make haste, make haste!" says gorging HARTY, While BOB pulled out his snickersee. * * * * * It's "a norrible tale," and I scarce feel equal To telling it all as 'twas told to me. Some other day you may learn the sequel Of the sorrowful story of Little BILL-EE! * * * * * [Illustration: HAPPY THOUGHT. WHY NOT IMPORT A BRIGADE OF RESPECTABLE "_CHIFFONNIERS_" FROM PARIS, AND LET THEM LOOSE ON HAMPSTEAD HEATH AFTER A BANK HOLIDAY?] * * * * * TRUE FRENCH POLITENESS. (_A Conversation not entirely Imaginary in Siamese Territory._) SCENE--_A Palace. Present, a swarthy_ Sovereign _and Smiling_ Negociator. _Negociator._ Sorry to trouble you again, your Majesty, but there are just a few supplementary matters that require settlement. _Sovereign._ Why, surely your ultimatum has deprived me of everything? _Neg._ Oh, dear no! For instance, you have foreign advisers. _Sov._ And I presume I may act upon their advice? _Neg._ Well, yes; only it will be necessary to send them back to Europe, and then stop their letters. _Sov._ But this will be exceedingly arbitrary treatment. _Neg._ Do you think so? Well, at any rate it will be better than a bombardment of your capital. _Sov._ Have you any other demand to make? _Neg._ Scarcely worth mentioning. But we must insist that in future all work must be given to artisans of our nationality. _Sov._ And every other kind of contract? _Neg._ That follows as a natural sequence. _Sov._ Would you like anything more? _Neg._ Not only like, but insist upon having it. You must surrender your forts, disband your army, and dispose of your fleet. _Sov._ Come, that's impossible! _Neg._ Not at all. It is a course I would strongly recommend if you want to keep your throne, and your subjects desire to preserve their lives. _Sov._ Can you suggest anything else? _Neg._ We never suggest. We order. Well, yes, you will do nothing without our approval, or it will be the worse for you. _Sov._ Why, this is absolute bullying! _Neg._ Pray don't say that, your Majesty. Although I speak plainly, I wish to treat you with every respect. _Sov._ But if you have left me nothing, I may as well abdicate in your favour. Shall I?