Well, this _is_ long. At last we're out. Down with the window once more. There's the Med----What? Another one. Up with the window once more. This _is_ a long one. Begin to cough. Frenchman also coughs. A bond of sympathy. We cough together. Well, at last we are out of these awful tunnels. Down with the window. There's the Medit----Up with the window. Another one! These gymnastics with the windows are most fatiguing. Choke again. Frenchman also chokes. "_Ces tunnels!_" he gasps at last, "_on étouffe_----" Just then the train bursts into daylight, and his head, as before, goes out of his window, like mine out of my window. There's the Me----. Another! "_Sapristi!_" By Jove! More choking. "_Ces chemins de fers italiens----_" begins the Frenchman. Then another burst of daylight and his head and mine go out. There's the Medit----"_Matin!_" Great Scott! Agree with Frenchman. "_C'est assommant_," says he, "_quel pays----_" Then another gap and heads out as before. There's the Mediterra----"_Mille tonnerres!_" I'm hanged! Frenchman and I abuse the line, the tunnels, the bad light and the worse air. Another interval. There's the M---- "_Sacré nom de nom!_" Confound! Frenchman becomes quite friendly. Even Madame says a word or two. Begin now to disregard half seconds of daylight, and treat it as all tunnel over two hours' long. At last arrive at Genoa, our faces streaked with soot, our lungs full of smoke, our collars nearly black, and all the superciliousness shaken out of us. Frenchman almost affectionate when we part. As for the Mediterranean, I should have seen nearly as much of it at Moorgate Street. A FIRST IMPRESSIONIST. *** ON SOME CHRISTMAS DIARIES.--No backsliding in engagements if you possess one of WALKER'S capital _backlooped_ pocket-diaries, they are strongly bound to assist you. His Society Christmas Cards are, as they should be, first class. In fact, "WALKER" is not "HOOKEY," but "O. K." [Illustration: AN EXTRACT FROM A PRIVATE LETTER. "----AND OH, MABEL, A _WRETCH_ MISTOOK MY SKIRT FOR THE 'BUS APRON, THE OTHER DAY, AND DIDN'T FIND OUT HIS MISTAKE FOR EVER SO LONG. OF COURSE HE WAS _AWFULLY_ NICE ABOUT IT; SO I HAD TO SAY, IT DIDN'T MATTER. BUT WASN'T IT DREADFUL!"] [Illustration: THE INFANT PHENOMENON. LITTLE JAP LECTURING ON THE ART OF WAR TO THE EUROPEAN REPRESENTATIVES.] * * * * * THE INFANT PHENOMENON.