Let some repair to regions where, Beneath the usual Southern moon, The nigger in his native lair Raises the Alabama coon. A few may fly to far Shanghai, Or Argentine, if they prefer, And earn a paltry pittance by Reporting facts that don't occur. While others hail the Dover mail, Humming the airs of quaint Yvette, And prove upon a private scale What life is like _à la Villette_; Or haply land upon a strand Where trim grisettes are clustered thick, Watch the promiscuous bathers, and Observe that things are passing _chic_. I know of lots of pretty spots Where people go to get the view; It is indeed, as Dr. WATTS Sublimely said, their nature too. But there are some for whom the hum Of toil habitually throbs; Adhesive as a patent gum They stick to their respective jobs. When heather blows, and houses close, And London is described as bare, (Though some odd millions, I suppose, Remain invariably there); Pounding away serenely, they With pious humour smile at fate;-- I make allusion, need one say, To members of the Fourth Estate. In deadly dearth of copy worth Inserting they resort to Mars, Or Marriage-failure here on earth, As matter for expansive "pars." For them the prize sea-worms arise Fresh from eleven months of sleep, Flatter a Correspondent's eyes, And fairly hurtle through the deep. And still they choose from subtle clues To weave their exegetic wit, Telling the nation all the news, And even what to think of it. Meanwhile afloat, or far remote, The public who attains to miss The paper for the day can dote On ignorance akin to bliss. * * * * * Illogic in Liquor. _Mem. by a Muser._ How paradoxical the ways of Town! To "liquor up" means pouring liquor down. And "standing treat" means, with the bibulous band, "Treating" each other till they _cannot_ stand! * * * * * [Illustration: "'E DUNNO OÙ IL EST!" _Passenger from London (as the Train runs into the Gare du Nord, Paris)._ "OH--ER--I SAY--ER--GARSONG! KEL AY LE NOMME DU SET PLASS?"] * * * * * "OUT WE GO." Just as we begin to know What the grouping "mummers" mean-- Curtain! and "_God save the Queen!_" Out we go. Just as we begin to know, Bat in hand, the bowler's style-- "How's that?" With a sickly smile, Out we go. Just as we begin to know _This_ time we must "break the bank"-- Bah! We have ourselves to thank. Out we go. Just as we begin to know That the whisky is sublime-- "Gentlemen, it's closing time!" Out we go.