I du believe in righteous Law-- Save when it Hate embarrasses-- But I _du_ hate the holy jaw Of them plump British Pharisees! No White Man ought untried to swing, Be grilled, or sliced to jiggers; But Lynch Law is a kind o' thing That quite agrees with niggers! I du believe "beans" I may give To _Pompey_ or to _Cæsar_. The dog has nary right to _live_ Save as I chance to please, Sir; It aint no use to cant to me-- If you'd a cowhide whip shun-- Of conscience or humanity, Or rot of that description. I du believe the wust o' trash Is talk o' Christian kindness; The "coons" we'll hang, or roast, or thrash, In wrath's red fits o' blindness. We'll rule, if not with rope and ball, Why then with stake and scorcher. Lynch Law, to make it stick at all, Must be backed up by--_Torture_! * * * * * DANGEROUS DOCTRINE. [Illustration] That animals feel little pain Science suggests--with scanty proof. Shall the humane then lift in vain Their voice in animals' behoof? It is a pleasant thing to think The horse we flog, the fish we hook, Feel little pain--although they shrink; But _does_ cool science know its book? The poor crimped cod, the walloped moke, _Can't tell us_ that they rather like it; The dog smiles not as at a joke When harsh BILL SIKES will kick or strike it. Man is an animal, after all, And if his faith is absolute That pain hurts not the "animal," He'll very soon become--a brute! * * * * * LINES BY A LAZY BODY. [M. ST. HILAIRE, the French politician, who is ninety years of age, and still active, says:--"If you want to live to be old, be always at work, and diligently. Do not listen to those who aspire to save enough money to rest. They are lazy bodies."] 'Tis the voice of the Lazy, I heard him complain, "All this nonagenarian nonsense Won't do! This mere love of longevity's vain, Although natural, doubtless, in _one_ sense. The secret of Age, ST. HILAIRE may have told; The secret of Youth can he give? We'd learn, _not_ to live to be awfully old, But how to keep young while we live! No, no, chatty nonagenarians! Loan us The gift of Aurora, not that of Tithonus." * * * * * "RATIONAL DRESS FOR THE IRRATIONAL."--A penitential sheet, and a foolscap trimmed Phrygian fashion. * * * * * Transcriber's note: Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). Small capitals were replaced with ALL CAPITALS. Throughout the document, the oe ligature was replaced with "oe". Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of the speakers. Those words were retained as-is. Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected except for the following: