_A Crockery Merchant_ (_as he unpacks a variety of vases of appalling hideousness_). _I_ don't care--it's self-sacrifice to give away! Understand, you ain't buyin' _common_ things, you're buyin' suthin' _good!_ It 'appens to be my buthday to-night, so I'm goin' to let you people 'ave the benefit of the doubt. Come on 'ere. I don't ask you to b'lieve _me_--ony to jedge fur yerselves. I'm not 'ere to tell you no fairy tales; and the reason why I'm in a position to orfer up these vawses--all richly gilt, and decorated in three colours, the most expensive ever made--the reason I'm able to sell them so cheap as I'm doin' is this--(_he lowers his voice mysteriously_)--arf the stuff I 'ave 'ere we git _in very funny ways!_ [_This ingeniously suggestive hint enhances the natural charm of his ware to such a degree that the vases are bought up briskly, as calculated to brighten the humblest home._ _A Sanctimonious Young Man_ (_with a tongue too large for his mouth, who has just succeeded in collecting a circle round him_). I am only 'ere to-night, my friends, as a paid servant--for the purpose of deciding a wager. Some o' you may have noticed an advertisement lately in the _Daily Telegrawf_, asking for men to stand on Southwark Bridge and orfer arf-suverings for a penny apiece. You are equally well aware that it is illegal to orfer the Queen's coinage for money: and that is _not_ my intention this evening. _But_ I 'ave 'ere several pieces of gold, guaranteed to be of the exact weight of arf a suvering, and 'all-marked, which, in order to decide the wager I 'ave spoken of, I shall now perceed to charge you the sum of one penny for, and no more. I am not allowed to sell _more_ than one to each person---- [_Here a constable comes up, and the decision of the wager is postponed until a more favourable opportunity._ _First "General"_ (_looking into a draper's window_). Look at them coloured felt 'ats--all shades, and on'y sixpence three-fardens! _Second "G."_ They _are_ reasonable; but I've 'eard as felt 'ats is gone out o' fashion now. _First "G."_ Don't you believe it, SARAH. Why, my married sister bought one on'y last week! _Coster_ (_to an old lady who has repudiated a bunch of onions after a prolonged scrutiny_). Frorsty? So would _you_ be if _your_ onion 'ad bin layin' out in the fields all night as long as these 'ave!