_That_ goes not down in London town Where dogg'd conventions stick, And dancers still must charm with frill, Or "make shymnastic drick." As the jungle king with his wrathful spring, To the lamb that aptly bleats, As the trumpet's blare to the palsied air Of that which plays in pleats, So is east to west, with its sun-born zest, With fire at the quick heart's core, And passions bold as the ardent gold Of the sun on a southern shore. * * * * * THE BALLAD OF THE KAISER'S MERCY. (_In brief._) "The sovereign'st thing on earth Was parmaceti, for an inward bruise." _Henry the Fourth_, Part I., Act i., Sc. 3. A quarrel, anything but pretty, Cannot be healed by parmaceti. But honour, bruisèd in the leg, Finds sovereign solace in an egg. * * * * * REFLECTIONS OF A STATESMAN. _Saturday._--Things looking queer. Leamington in a ferment, Tories denouncing _me_. Like their impudence. Must order ARTHUR BALFOUR to stop this nonsense, and bring rebels to reason. I shall want Hythe thrown into the bargain. BALFOUR must write more letters. If our little lot are to get nothing out of all this, what's the use of having sacrificed principles and COURTNEY? Obviously none. JESSE COLLINGS quite agrees. Says the Tories will repent, when it is too late, of having refused to submit to the greatest, wisest, most generous and noblest statesman of this or any other age, past or future. Wonderful amount of sense in JESSE. Shall make him Governor-General of India, or First Lord of Admiralty. [Illustration] _Monday._--Have seen BALFOUR. Says he can do nothing at Leamington. Wanted me to withdraw Liberal Unionist candidate. ME! The mere notion ridiculous. Told him so. Also asked him how about Compact. He said "Compact be ----". At this moment GOSCHEN came in, and interrupted. BALFOUR said missing word was "observed." GOSCHEN full of sympathy, but said he could do nothing. Shall not allow him to be Chancellor of Exchequer again. Shall be Chancellor of Exchequer myself. Letter in _Times_ from GEOFFREY DRAGE, saying kind things about me. Rather patronising, but well meant. Shall make DRAGE Home Secretary. _Tuesday._--Letter in _Times_ from Lord TEYNHAM attacking me on account of vote on Welsh Disestablishment. Even a fool of a lord might know a man can't wriggle out of everything, and can't please everybody. Have written to SALISBURY ordering him to throw TEYNHAM into the Tower as soon as Unionist Government in power. If he refuses, shall accept Premiership myself and execute TEYNHAM on Tower Hill. Leamington still raging. If this goes on shall march at head of Birmingham Fencibles and rase Leamington to the ground--all except three houses said to belong to Liberal Unionists. That'll teach them to oppose _me_.