"If I'd a joint that I could carve, I'd strain a point; but here to starve!! May I be hung if e'er I see Such gross unpunctualitee! "No gentleman can now depend On any plan to plan his end." Twelve hours or more he waited thus. "A train?" he swore; "an _omnibus!_ "It tarries yet all through the night, And helps to whet my appetite!" His hunger grew inside his chest; With nought to chew, he was--_non est_. Two days pass by, and then we find The train draw nigh, three days behind! Directors sigh, deplore, and frown; And fine the driver half-a-crown. "But had I been on time," JACK said, "HALL'S death, I ween, were on my head." "Quite true, good JACK! Our conscience pricks. We hand you back your two-and-six!" _Envoi._ Now that is all I have to tell Of Mr. HALL, of Camberwell. * * * * * [Illustration: THESE DULL TIMES. _Lady Gushton_ (_always so agreeable_). "AND THE MAGNIFICENT PICTURES YOU HAD HERE LAST YEAR,--HAVE YOU GOT THEM ALL STILL?" _Mr. Flake Whyte_ (_sadly_). "YES; I HAVE THEM ALL." _Lady Gushton._ "HOW VERY NICE! IT IS SO HARD TO PART WITH ONE'S OWN PICTURES, IS IT NOT?" _Mr. Flake Whyte_ (_with much feeling_). "AWFULLY, AWFULLY HARD! SOMETIMES IMPOSSIBLE!"] * * * * * ROBERT AND THE COUNTY COUNSELLS. BROWN and me has been a having sum rare good fun lately. We has managed to see and hear a good deal about the County Counsellers, and werry emusing we finds em to be. They suttenly does manage to quarrell among each other more than I shood have thort posserbel. There's a depperty Counseller among em who will tork whenever he gets a hoppertunity, yes and keeps the pot a biling, as BROWN says, for nearly arf a nour at a time, and then finds hisself beaten into a cocked at, and so has to sit down, while the others has a jolly larf. [Illustration] Ever so many on em belongs to the Tems Conserwancy, and so we are offen hearing of their going up the River, when there's two much water there, and hoffering to show the poor natives how to get a lot of it away, but from what I hears they don't seem for to be werry sucksessful. Too or three on em went to the Boat Race the other day and took ever so many Ladies with em, and jolly nice dinners they had on bord after the Race was over and there wasn't no more fear of no more rane, which had rayther spylt the morning.