_Driver_ (_decisively_). Look here, old man! You remember our Compact? _Officious Friend_ (_impatiently_). Oh, of course, of course. But--I don't quite understand it as you seem to do. _Driver._ Humph! (_Again adapting._) "Your Rule of the Road seems a paradox, quite; For, in tooling our dog-cart along, If _you_'re left with the reins you are sure to be right, If the reins are _my_ right, it's all wrong." _Officious Friend._ Oh, more poetry! What a chap you are for Metaphysics and the Muses! Now the foundations of _my_ belief are facts and figures. _Driver_ (_meditatively_). It's a fact that the Tory total figures out much larger than the Liberal Unionist. _Officious Friend._ Oh, bother! What's that got to do with it! Our Compact---- _Driver._ Is ours--not Leamington's it seems. [_Hums._ "There was a man at Leamington, Who thought it would be nice To jump into a Tory seat By help of Tory "ayes." But if those "ayes" should be "put out," It _may_ prove no great gain Jumping into a Tory seat To please J. CH-MB-RL-N!" _Officious Friend_ (_grabbing reins_). Here, I say! Whilst droning out your doggerel you're forgetting your driving. Where _are_ you going? Look at that dashed leader! [_Leader faces sharp round and fidgets._ _Driver_ (_sharply_). No wonder! Woa, lad, woa! Why on earth did you tug at the reins like that. I tell you that horse won't stand much more of it. Do you want a spill as well as a split? _Officious Friend._ Why, no! But according to our Compact, the wheeler---- _Driver._ According to our Compact it's _my_ turn at the ribbons to-day. One at a time, if you please. Do you call _this_ driving tandem? We shall never get on like this! Are you driving this dog-cart, or am I? [_Left settling it._ * * * * * [Illustration: "QUOUSQUE TANDEM?" OR, ONE AT A TIME. ARTH-R B-LF-R (_driver, to officious friend_, JOE CH-MB-RL-N). "WE SHALL NEVER GET ON LIKE THIS! AM I DRIVING OR ARE _YOU?_"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mrs. Smith._ "I THINK IT DREADFUL THAT YOUR DIVORCE LAWS IN AMERICA SHOULD BE SO MUCH MORE LENIENT THAN THEY ARE IN ENGLAND." _Mr. Van Rensselaer._ "WELL, YOU SEE, MY DEAR MADAM, IN ENGLAND DIVORCE IS A LUXURY--WHILE WITH US IT IS--ER--A NECESSITY!"] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.