GIFFEN'S boys were this time, we may say without banter, Eleven too many for stout "STODDART'S Lot"; We oft read of matches as "won in a canter," But this one was won, it would seem, by A. TROTT. * * * * * [Illustration: AN APPLIED PROVERB. _Cabby._ "'ERE, I SAY! ONLY A BOB? WOT'S THIS?" _Footman._ "WHY, YOU 'AVEN'T DROVE THE YOUNG LADY ACROSS THE SQUARE!" _Cabby._ "THAT MAY BE. BUT IF 'A MISS IS AS GOOD AS A MILE,' SHE'S EQUAL TO THREE MILES, AND OUGHT TO PAY MORE THAN DOUBLE FARE!"] * * * * * LETTER TO A DÉBUTANTE. DEAREST GLADYS,--I have been compiling a sort of dictionary for you, with a view to your second season. I send you a few selections from it--with notes of advice. _Art._ A subject of discussion; mild at tea-time, often heated after dinner. [_Note._--Do not take sides. Mention that WHISTLER has a picture in the Luxembourg, or say--with a smile or not, as the occasion may suggest--that Sir FREDERIC is the President of the Academy.] _Altruism._ Boring some people about other people. [_Note._--Never encourage VIEWS. They take up too much valuable time.] _Beauty._ An expensive luxury. _Boy._ If "dear," any effective man under forty. If "horrid," about twelve, and to be propitiated with nuts, knives and ships. [_Note._--Do not offend him.] _Blasphemy._ Any discussion on religion. [_Note._--Look shocked, but not bored.] _Coquetry._ A manner sometimes assumed by elderly ladies and very young gentlemen. _Cynicism._ Truthfulness. _Duty._ Referred to by relations who wish to be disagreeable. [_Note._--Change the subject.] _Divorce._ The occasional result of friendship. [_Note._--But you must not know anything about it. Read only the leading articles.] _Eccentricity._ Talent. _Etiquette._ Provincialism. _Flirtation._ Once a favourite amusement, now dying out; but still surviving at Clapham tennis-parties and Kensington subscription balls. _Foreigners._ Often decorative; generally dangerous. _Friendship._ The mutual dislike of people on intimate terms. Or, a euphuism for love. _Failure._ An entertainment to which one has not been invited. _Goodness._ The conduct of one's mother. _Hygiene._ Never bothering about one's health. _Idiocy._ The opinions of those who differ from one. _Justice._ Enthusiastic praise of oneself. _Kleptomania._ Stealing things one doesn't want. _Love._ A subject not without interest. _Moonlight._ Depends on the other person. _Marriage._ The avowed and justifiable object in life of young girls. The avowed and justifiable terror of bachelors. _Nature._ It has gone out of fashion, except in novels you must not say you have read. _Obviousness._ To be guarded against. _Philosophy._ An innocent amusement. _Palmistry._ Only if he is really very nice. _Quarrel._ A proof of love, or of detestation. _Quixotism._ Defending the absent-minded.