_What!?_ The alien unbeliever neither giveth nor taketh? And doth not care one "snuff" (whatever that may mean) whether his telegram to Europe in general, and the _P-ll M-ll G-z-tte_ in particular, goeth or not? Verily, he knoweth not the rules of Oriental diplomacy. But though the telegram shall not go, if we know it, the Sublime Porte shall yet give the quill-driving outcast a lesson in shilly-shally and hanky-panky. He shall know that the Commander of the Faithful is not to be called an impotent Potentate (with a big P) in vain. We will sit up all night, pretending to re-draft his telegram, and really enjoying his discomfiture! "Impotent Potentate," indeed! Let the chief telegraph-clerk be beheaded on the spot!... * * * * * "WHEEL AND WOE."--"A Word of Warning" to women bicyclists appeared in the _St. James's Gazette_ last Friday, by "A Medical Man." Quite right. This Round of Wheel is overdone. Instead of "Wheel," the Medico cries "Woa!" * * * * * THE LOSS OF RICHMOND HILL. AIR--"_The Lass of Richmond Hill._" From Richmond Hill there is a view As fair as Tempe's morn; Its charms are such that sure by few Their loss were calmly borne. This view so sweet, no "Jerry" street Must intercept or kill; We all decline thus to resign, The view from Richmond Hill! How happy would that builder be Who'd call that plot his own! His heart is fixed on lease and fee, Ours on the view alone. This view so sweet must rest complete, For not with our good will For villas fine will we resign That view from Richmond Hill! * * * * * [Illustration: FELINE AMENITIES. "ARE YOU GOING TO THE BROWNS' DANCE?" "NO. I HAVEN'T BEEN ASKED." "OH--I SUPPOSE IT'S QUITE A _YOUNG_ PEOPLE'S DANCE, YOU KNOW!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, May 20._--JAMES GALLOWAY WEIR is a sore man the night. Ross and Cromarty hide their diminished head--or should it be heads?--before the illuminated mountain tops of Inverness-shire. THE MACGREGOR has done him at last, done him hopelessly. Since the present Parliament met, he and THE MACGREGOR have run pretty evenly, neck and neck in race to show what Scotland can do in this way when it concentrates its mighty mind on the effort. In former times Ireland had monopoly of the Crank as he was returned to Parliament. Scotch Members preserved traditional reputation of their country as the home of dour-headed businesslike men. WEIR standing alone would have sufficed to tear this fable to tatters. THE MACGREGOR unaided would have confounded the tradition. The combination of talent was irresistible, overpowering in its force of conviction.