"_Mr. Morrison_ (_to the Chairman_). You promised to write to the Local Government Board, and do it now. (_Noise and interruptions._) "_Mr. Murphy_ (_warmly_). I say the whole thing is all humbug, and based upon humbug. "(_At this stage there was great noise and confusion, several gentlemen speaking at the same time._) "_Chairman_ (_very warmly, and hitting the table_). I say I am not a humbug, and I was never a humbug, and I hope I'll never have to be displaced from any public position because I was a humbug or a proved humbug." Why did not the table turn upon the chair, and hit it back? This would have been a real case of table-turning. To parody EDWARD LEAR'S delightful _Nonsense Songs_, Said the Table to the Chair, "You can hardly be aware How it feels when you come down With your fist upon my crown." * * * * * "MENUS PLAISIRS."--One of the best _menus_ of the season provided by the Lyceum House of Entertainment included, or rather did include, during last week past, such choice dishes, so much to the taste of everyone, as _The Ris d'Ellen Terry à la Nance Oldfield_ and _Tête de Mathias à la Henri premier_. Appropriately, of course, did the orchestra, which plays before each performance, give the old familiar airs of "_I would I were with Nancy!_" and "_The Bells are ringing for_"--_Mathias_--not for "_Sara_." * * * * * [Illustration: A STRAIGHT REPLY. _Daughter of a Hundred Earls_ (_who is about to marry for love_). "NOW I AM GOING TO HAVE A HOUSE OF MY OWN, MRS. RUSTLE, I SHALL GET YOU TO GIVE ME A HINT OR TWO." _The Maternal Housekeeper._ "WELL, LADY CLARA, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T HELP YOU MUCH. I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE CONTRIVANCES OF PEOPLE WITH SMALL MEANS."] * * * * * A MISSED CHANCE. [Mr. ANTHONY HOPE'S "reply on behalf of the ladies was witty and felicitous, and only disappointed" those who had hoped that at least one "new woman" would have justified the claim of her sex to equality with the male by replying. "The only sign of novelty we detected about the ladies present was that a few condescended to puff cigarettes, to the evident scandal of some less advanced ladies."--_The "Literary World" upon the late meeting of the "New Vagabond Club._"]