Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, June 8, 1895Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, June 8, 1895
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Ploughing the sands" has been shown, in a letter to the _Times_, to be,
in some cases, a productive operation. If the sands are well ploughed,
and well sown, then may a fine crop be expected. When "Ploughing the
sands" is no longer remunerative, then let all hands be summoned aboard,
and the Government vessel in search of General Election Island may
"Plough the sea," and come safely into port. What is successful
"ploughing" to them will be "harrowing" to the Opposition.
* * * * *
"O SUCH A DAY WAS NEVER SEEN!"--Mr. Justice DAY is always a bright,
never a dull DAY. His judicial utterances are like the sea around the
Isle of Man, clear and profound. Rarely does he miss a good point; yet
so it was the other day when, in a trial of "_Legge_ v." a heap of
people (not involving any question of "Legge bail"), Mr. Justice DAY
observed, "I find now very high rank held by doctors in the Army. There
are Captain-surgeons, Colonel-surgeons, and I am not sure there are not
Generals. (_Laughter._)" "Not sure," Mr. Justice! Why 'tis as clear as
Day! There is another and a higher grade, viz., "General-Practitioner."
* * * * *
[Illustration: HARCOURT THE HEADSMAN.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: 'HOPE YOU BACKED THE WINNER?'
"MY DEAR FELLOW, ONLY TOO DELIGHTED. BUT YOU NEVER _TOLD_ ME!"]
* * * * *
A REALLY BIG PURCHASE BY A PRIVATE INDIVIDUAL, AT A VERY MODERATE
FIGURE.--For 260 guineas Mr. W. AGNEW purchased "_Lambeth Palace--in the
distance_." It is no "distance" to speak of, as twopence more will take
the purchaser by steam-boat from almost any landing-stage across the
river to Lambeth. It should perhaps be added, so as not to frighten the
Archbishop of CANTERBURY, that in the purchase were included "_Old
Westminster Bridge (a view of), with State Barges and Boats_." The whole
Thames-water-colour having been painted in oil by SCOTT. This lot, by
Great SCOTT, went as above-mentioned.
* * *
MUSICAL EXERCISE FOR BICYCLISTS.--Try WAGNER'S "'CYCLE."
* * *
"WANTS TO KNOW."--"Dear Sir,--I saw a paragraph in the _Times_ quite
recently headed '_A Confirmed Pickpocket_.' I am all for the religious
improvement of the dangerous classes, and what I want to know is
_Firstly_, Was the lad a pickpocket before he was confirmed? _Secondly_,
Or, did he become a pickpocket after confirmation? _Thirdly_, What
bishop or curate was responsible for his confirmation? Other questions
arise out of this case, but these are enough for the present.
Yours, A FEMALE SEARCHER."
* * *
FROM OUR OWN SMALL SCHOLAR.--"That's where I should like to be," sighed
SAM SUCKER minimus, as in his geography lesson he read the name of
Orange Free State. "Fancy, oranges free!!"
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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