PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Volume 108, May 18th 1895. _edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ [Illustration: HOP PROSPECTS. SAID PULEX THE SKIPPER TO MISS CICADA, "DO YOU EXPECT A GOOD HOPPING SEASON THIS YEAR?"] * * * * * ODE TO A (LONDON) "LARK." (_Some Way after Quisquis._) Oh, "lark," which all the "Comiques" sing, And every drunken rowdy pup, too; Sure you're a vicious, vulgar thing As ever toper swigged a cup to. Hints of the boozy and the blue Surround you; sodden brains you soften; Yet rhymsters make a song of you, And rowdies sing it--far too often. The aim of every loose-lipped lout Appears to be to "lark" divinely; When from his haunts he gets chucked out, He deems his "spree" has ended finely. He tracks the "lark"--aye, "like a bird," Upon the turf, among its "daisies"; But, by sweet SHELLEY, 'tis absurd, Foul bird of prey, to pipe your _praises!_ * * * * * A KIND OFFER.--A lady who is not well up in Parliamentary matters writes to us saying that she has seen mentioned in the papers "Mr. Speaker's Retirement Bill," and would very much like to know what the amount is. Her admiration for the late SPEAKER is so great that, our fair correspondent goes on to say, she would willingly defray the whole amount herself, or if the total be too much for her pocket, then would she cheerfully head a subscription list. She is perfectly certain that Mr. PEEL was a very moderate man, and therefore the entire sum cannot be very startling. * * * * * RATHER "BOLD ADVERTISEMENT." ["Advertisements for some time past have been inserted in Government publications."--_Daily Paper._] SCENE--_Room of a_ Secretary of State. _Present_ Right Hon. Gentleman _attended by his_ Private Secretary. _Right Hon. Gentleman._ Well, TENTERFORE, anything for me this morning? _Private Secretary._ I think not. You will find that I have worked out the answers to to-day's questions--the list is not a very heavy one, only a couple of dozen queries or thereabouts. _Rt. Hon. Gent._ That's right. Such a lot of time is wasted in that sort of thing. And has anyone come for me? _Priv. Sec._ No one of importance. A fellow with a new invention or something of that sort. Said you were extremely busy just now, but that if he would write, his letter would receive the attention of the department. _Rt. Hon. Gent._ Was he satisfied? _Priv. Sec._ (_smiling_). Well, I fear not entirely. I think he must have had some experience of Government offices. He said he preferred to see you personally. _Rt. Hon. Gent._ (_amused_). I daresay he would. Anyone else? _Priv. Sec._ Only a man about advertisements. _Rt. Hon. Gent._ (_aghast_). You did not send _him_ away? _Priv. Sec._ Well, no. I believe he is still in the waiting-room. But surely you don't want to see him?