BRIEF STAY IN LONDON OF THE EMINENT FRENCH NOVELIST.--He has not quite mastered our idioms, but he has made a pun in English, when saying, "_J'y suis, moi, Daudet; je pars demain_," _i.e._, "I am here _Do-day_, and gone to-morrow." * * * * * SUGGESTION.--"_The Attaree Khat Tea Co._" is a nice name. Why not follow with the "_Attaree Khat and Kitten Milk Co._"? Very attaree-active to some pussons. * * * * * MOTTO (ADDRESSED TO FLUTES, HAUTBOYS, &C.) FOR CONDUCTOR OF THE STRAUSS ORCHESTRA.--"STRAUSS shows how the wind is to blow." * * * * * "INFANT PHENOMENON!"--At Drury Lane, the arduous part of _Don Cæsar_ in the opera of _Maritana_ was last Friday played by a CHILD! * * * * * WORD OF COMMAND FOR HOSPITAL SUNDAY.--"Present Alms!" * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL AGONIES. _Algy._ "COME AND DINE WITH ME WITH ME TO-NIGHT, SNOBBINGTON?" _Snobbington._ "SORRY TO SAY I CAN'T, OLD CHAPPIE. AFRAID I'VE GO TO GO AND DINE WITH THAT OLD FOOL, LORD BOREHAM, FOR MY SINS!" _Lord Boreham_ (_from behind his Newspaper_). "PRAY CONSIDER YOURSELF EXCUSED THIS EVENING, MR.----MR.----A--I FIND I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU BY SIGHT!" [_Which is quite true!_ ] * * * * * 'ARRY AND THE NEW WOMAN. Dear CHARLIE,--'Ow are you, old shipmate? _I_'ve bin layin' low for a time. 'Ard years these 'ere Nineties, my nibs, yus, and bizness 'as bin fur from prime. All grind and no gay galoot, CHARLIE, of late 'as bin _my_ little lot; An' between you and me _and_ the post, I think most things is going to pot! It's Newness wot's doing it, CHARLIE! "Lor! _that_'s a rum gospel," sez you. Well, p'raps in your green tooral-looral you don't hear so much of the New; But in town with New Art, and New Women, New Drammer, New Humour, and such, There seems nothink _old_ left in creation, save four-arf, and DANNEL'S old Dutch. _She_'s old, and no hapricots, CHARLIE. But DANNEL'S a decentish sort, And the way as _she_ lays down the law about up-to-date woman _is_ sport. 'Er nutcrackers clitter and clatter; and when she is fair on the shout, Concernin' fresh feminine fashions, you bet it's a reglar knock-out! I took LIL, DANNEL'S youngest, larst week to the play, with some tickets I'd got. Well, paperers mustn't be choosers. But oh, mate, of all the dashed rot They ever chucked over the footlights, this 'ere Probblem Play wos the wust! It left me with brain discumfuddled, the blues, and a thundering thust.