What was it that upset you? Was it, pray, the great _Prospékt_, With those six-sided wooden blocks that here and there project, Or else its three-mile tram-line, where your giddy "_sveeft_" was wrecked? Or were you racing,'gainst the rules, along the English Quay, And trying to inaugurate a Russian Battersea, Or threading the Milliónaya with over-rapid glee? Perhaps 'twas on Yelagin Isle you were careering round, And ran into the flower-beds or the ponds that there abound, Or bumped against a drunk _muzhík_, that brought you to the ground. Whate'er it was, the fact remains, your fatal lack of skill In "Peter" future lady-bikes has stopped for good or ill-- Come over, then, to London, and enjoy your daily spill! * * * * * POKER CHIPS FROM THE GOLD COAST.--By rejecting Great Britain's _ultimatum_, the King of COOMASSIE has paid his "ante." The next move will--in all probability--be the surrender of his Ash-antee. * * * * * APPROPRIATE.--By what law are water rates settled? By Torren(t)s' Act. * * * * * A NEW TERROR IN THE LONDON STREETS.--The Policeman. * * * * * NAME! NAME! The example of Mr. 'ENRY HAUTHOR JONES, in dropping the JONES and sticking to the 'ENRY HAUTHOR, will probably be followed by Sir EDWARD BURNE-JONES, who will henceforth figure as Sir EDWARD BURN. Pity this idea never occurred to the renowned architect, INIGO JONES. How much nobler to remain in the annals of your country simply as "INIGO." Isn't "JONES" a Welsh name? Will Cambria disown JONES? Oh, let the dramatist pause before it be too late. 'Tis true that "a JONES by any other name will write as well," but he _has_ written well enough as our own "'ENRY HAUTHOR," and we beseech him to spare his family tree, not to lop off a single bough, and to remain JONES till the last act is over, and the curtain descends to general applause. We can understand an author of the name of "DAM" changing his name, or altering it to "GRANDAM," but that JONES, successful, jubilant JONES, should do this thing! Nay, by our halidom! Let us give H. A. J. our own immortal advice, which applies as well to a person about to change his name as to a person about to marry--"_Don't!_" * * * * * Minor Critic on Minor Poet. This Minor Poet is an ass, As is the common way of them. They're "fleshly," and "all flesh is grass"; And--that's why we "make hay of them"! * * * * * ON LORD SALISBURY'S MEMORABLE SPEECH AT THE LORD MAYOR'S BANQUET, NOVEMBER 9.--"Hope told a flattering tale."--_Old Song._ * * * * * SHAKSPEARE IN THE CITY (ADAPTED BY EX-LORD MAYOR RENALS).--"Let us hear BARNATO speak of this."--_Hamlet_, Act I., Sc. 1. * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.