From the scrubbin' of a binnycle or the twirlin' of a mop, To polishin' the funnel-tops with rottenstone and ile, Wich he said he watched each mornin', Guv wos in it all the while. He fair shaddered the young KYSER. And the story he'd reherse, With a eloquence and hunction quite like droppin' into werse. And he always soots the haction to the word in sech a way, That when fairly on the cackle he's as good as any play. But, O, MARY! it wos orkerd, and yumillyhating too, When our yot--her name's the _Polywog_--to git a better view, Shoved 'erself a bit too forrad, and, amidst a general skoff, Wos tackled by a snortin' tug, and coolly carted hoff! Guv swore he'd tell his pal the Dook but p'r'aps that wos his fun; He also said he'd arsk him why the _Meteor_ didn't run. Owsomever "_Rule, Britannyer_" is quite good enuff for _me_ (Though the "_Hail, Sir_" 'ad a hinnings). I am nuts on Germany, But when Haitch-Har-Haitch wos winnin', why I felt a bustin' throb Swell this buzzum, for I thinks, thinks I, "Old England's on the job!" Wich to see _her_ rule the waves, dear, is the hackmy of _my_ dreams, So no more at present, MARY, from your fellow-servant, JEAMES. * * * * * At a banquet given in Bristol in honour of the invincible bicyclist, Mr. A. A. ZIMMERMAN, a reverend gentleman suggested that the Town Councillors should present the freedom of that city to the two champions W. G. GRACE and A. A. ZIMMERMAN. Another spokesman, on the same festive occasion, remarked that he had heard of a book called _Zimmerman on Solitude_. He had never seen ZIMMERMAN on Solitude, but he had beheld him on a safety. Really in Bristol their badinage is quite brilliant! * * * * * ESSENCE of PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. [Illustration] _House of Commons, Monday, August 12._--Back in the old place. Same address; same walls; same benches; same stage in short, but almost entirely new company. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD lends friendly look to Front Opposition Bench. But there are many vacant places to right and left of him. Where is JOHN MORLEY, and ARNOLD MORLEY, and SHAW-LEFEVRE who saved our Commons but could not save his seat among them? What has become of JOHN HIBBERT, gentlest mannered man that ever repulsed attack on the public purse? And GEORGE RUSSELL and LEVESON-GOWER? Was not even a BRAND plucked from the burning? Was "BOBBY," in laager behind his collar, cut off in the full fragrance of youth and beauty? SARK, looking round on other quarters of House, cannot refrain from dropping a salt if silent tear. "You call this the House of Commons," he said, bitterly, "and find in it no place for ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS? One black man may be as good as another, and even better; that is the MARKISS'S affair. As VIRGIL wrote of _Trojan_ and _Tyrian_," BHOWNAGGREE NAOROJI mihi nullo discrimine agetur.