_The Sanguine Radical._ Tell ye what 'tis, they're putting in all the Conservative wins _first_. And them bigoted beggars at Bristol, they dunno what they're votin' _for_, they don't. We shall pull up afore long. There, what did I _tell_ you? Look a' _that_. "Durham. Liberal majority, 1--Objection raised." Hooray! we're beginning ter buck up _now_, ye see! (_Radical groups cheer in a spirit of thankfulness for small mercies._) "Pontefract. Liberal majority, 57. No change." (_Frantic Radical enthusiasm and cries of_ "Good ole Pontefrack!") "Huddersfield. Radical gain." (_Roars of delight from Radicals._) 'Ave a few more like _that_, and we shall do.... "Oldham. Conservative gain o' two seats." (_Tremendous cheering from Conservatives._) Well, after _that_, I'm prepared for anythink, I am! _Elderly Radical Solon._ It's jes _this_ way, them Conservatives, they ain't got no _prinserples_, o' course, but they do stick together, and that's 'ow they git the advantage over _us_. But it jes serves the Govment right fur not parsin' the Second Ballot. They _could_ ha' done it, and they _orter_ ha' done it! _His Companion_ (_disguising a slight vagueness as to the precise nature of this measure_). I dessay, I dessay; but it's these 'ere Labour Kendidates as are playin' the dooce with us. Lost us several seats a'ready, they 'ave. _The R. S._ My argument on that is this--the ole question o' the Labour was concocted four year ago at Devonshire 'Ouse. _His Companion_ (_guardedly_). It _might_ ha' bin, but I don't foller yer, John. _An Independent._ Anyway, you can't say as the Labour Candidate made any difference _'ere_--he on'y polled twelve 'undred and fifty-one votes, and the Unionist had neely five thousand! _His Neighbour._ No difference? 'Ow d' yer make _that_ out? Why, the Radical was on'y four'underd or so be'ind, and it stands to reason, as if arf the Labour votes 'ad bin given to 'im, he'd 'a won easy! _The Independent_ (_hastily_). Yes, yes; jesso, jesso; but that wasn't my _point_. And KEIR 'ARDIE sez there'll be three 'underd Labour Kendidates next elections. Ah, and they'll _find_ 'em, too! _A Unionist._ I 'ope they may. More on 'em the merrier--for _our_ side! _The Independent._ Any'ow, KEIR 'ARDIE'S safe for West 'Am. Majority o' twelve 'underd and thirty-two last time. Take a _lot_ o' pulling down, that will! (_Polling at West Ham (South) announced._ KEIR HARDIE _defeated by 775. Impartial joy of Tories and Liberals._) What? Chucked? _'Im!_ The on'y man with the morril courage to wear a deerstalker in the 'Ouse! They ain't fit to _'ave_ a vote! [_Exit disgustedly._ [Illustration: "'E's a reg'lar tinker's cuss, as I 'appen to know!"]