_The Future Bridegroom._ "WELL--IN ANOTHER WEEK I SURRENDER MY LIBERTY!" _The Future Bride._ "AND I GAIN _MINE!_" [_They dissemble their joy._ ] * * * * * THE OLD DOCTRINE NAMED AFTER MONROE. (_A New Yankee Song to an Old Yankee Tune._) Air--"_Old Rosin the Bow._" I'm the Yankee, to whip all creation, And _own_ all creation al-so; If rivals should seek explanation, I tip them the name of MONROE; I'll tip them the name of MONROE, The doctrine called after MONROE; And 'tisn't surprising that I should keep rising Whilst holding that doctrine MONROE! Of the universe _I_'ll be director, That's quite in accord with MONROE; And if there's no room for the others, The others, of course, have to _go_, When I tip them the name of MONROE, The doctrine named after MONROE; Though to them abhorrent, with me it is current, Then hurrah for old Snap-up MONROE! From the President's chair it was stated, Like rooster our Eagle will crow; And if lesser fowls kick up shindies, We'll tip 'em the name of MONROE, The magnanimous name of MONROE, The doctrine named after MONROE; O'er world-wide dominions a-waving its pinions Our Eagle will squeal--for MONROE! Thus I'll blow myself out, and my fixings From ocean to ocean shall go, And from pole to pole also; all hemispheres Pan out for me,--ask MONROE! Ask octopus-handed MONROE! The doctrine--improved--of MONROE! Some folk think his way hard, but I shall tell BAYARD To stick to the text of MONROE! Our ambassador must be--in London-- A smart go-a-head plenipo, And, if SALISBURY does cut up didos, Must tip him the name of MONROE; Explain to him Mr. MONROE, And the doctrine called after MONROE. Then, if things look squiffy, buck-down in a jiffy, And drop--for the present--MONROE! * * * * * THE MUSIC HALL AS OTHERS WOULD SEE IT. (_With compliments to those it may concern_) The _entrepreneur_ had conducted, the visitor here, there, and everywhere. He had shown the stage, the auditorium, and the tea and cake-room. Every feature of the reformed scheme had been duly explained. "No singing allowed in the entertainment?" queried the visitor. "None at all," was the reply; "we consider that music is a mistake. Of course same songs are good, but as others are bad it is better to prohibit them altogether, and thus escape the risk of a mistaken choice." "And no dancing?" "Of course not. That would be entirely contrary to our principles. If people require exercise they can walk or run." "But how about the poetry of motion? How about the grace of movement?" "We desire to have nothing to do with either," returned the _entrepreneur_. "You see our object is to have an entirely new entertainment, and consequently we reject all items, that have figured in other programmes."