The boosys and bilks try our tempers, I tell you. But tempers are luxuries, like sparrer grass is. If you've seen a helderly, hamorous gent, _on_ the tiddley, you know what a worriting ass is. Argue for hours about sixpence, 'e will, then 'unt all 'is pockets, and find 'e aint got one. Collapse in a corner, and fall fast asleep, with a boiled baby smile on 'is chump. _'E_'s a 'ot one. Hit 'im? Oh no! 'E may waste you a hour, and then offer a drink, which 'e 'asn't the price of, And maunder and mumble till you are arf mad; but if an old stager you'll take the advice of, You _won't_ knock 'is 'ead off! It's tempting, I know, and sometimes you would give twice the fare for the pleasure; But squiffy old gents are the magistrates' pets, they've got money--at 'ome--and, what's more, lots of leisure! "TREACLE" now, can't 'old 'is tongue with old Tiddleys. Poor "TREACLE" was once a smart gentleman farmer, And kep 'is own dog-cart. 'E's got one fair daughter, who, even in chocolate cotton's a charmer. Ah! sweet as fresh 'ay, in a manner o' speaking, is young BESSIE FINCH, though she's but a machiner. Its curious 'ow sulky old "TREACLE" lights up when 'is gal BESSIE brings 'im 'is poor bit o' dinner. 'E was just taking up an old Tiddley one time when Miss BESSIE turned up, and the bosky old geeser Made eyes at the maid, and said just arf a word, when poor TREACLE'S fist caught 'im a slap on 'is sneezer As made 'im see stars. 'Twas a trifle too previous, p'r'aps, for a sulky old chip of a Cabby; A 'ero don't _look_ like a 'ero somehow when 'is phiz is wind-blue and 'is billycock shabby. Old Tiddley was quite a respectable gent, a benevolent buffer, who lived out at Clapham; And when subub saints 'ave been dining a mossel, it won't do for grumpy old Growlers to slap 'em. So "TREACLE," as usual, got toko, you see, likeways missed a good fare, 'long o' bein' too 'asty; Which shows as a Cabby 'is temper must check, and in trifles must not be _too_ ticklish or tasty. * * * * * OUR FAMILY EXCHANGE COLUMN. [The _Review of Reviews_ has started a Baby and Matrimonial Exchange.] WANTED IMMEDIATELY, a Complete Set of Ancestors, by Advertiser, who is giving up Business and going in for High Finance. Crusaders or Plantagenets Preferred, or County Family of not less than Three Hundred Years Standing, on Approval. Guaranteed Pedigree Required. Will offer in Exchange 100,000 £1 Consolidated Gold Mine Shares.--Address, "South Africa," 507, Boom St. I WILL GIVE UP All Rights in my Mother-in-Law in return for Second-hand Safety Bicycle, or 10_s._ Cash.--ED., Angelina Villas.