A MAGNIFICENT OPPORTUNITY.--The enormous hotel, the neighbour and, it may be, the friendly rival of the Savoy Hotel _à la Carte_,--for friendship in opposition is possible though improbable,--is almost completed, but apparently it is still "a deed without a name." What is it to be called? The board, not of directors, but of advertisement outside, says, "_This Magnificent Hotel_," &c., &c. Well, gentlemen proprietors, why not take this description as the title? It does not look bad in French, "_L'Hôtel Magnifique_." And in plain English "_The Magnificent_" is a striking title, which can become popular as "_The Mag._" _Mr. Punch_, as General Hotel Inspector and Universal Board Adviser, offers the above suggestion. * * * * * "FINIS." (_By an Old-fashioned Novel-reader._) Oh! when we finished a tale of old, The thing was through, and the story told. But when we shut up a tale that's "New," There's little told, and there's nothing "through." With neither beginning, middle, nor end, We do not part with the book as a friend. _Finis!_ The word seems ironical sport, It is not finished, but snapt off short, Like the poor maid's nose by the blackbird's beak In the "_Song of Sixpence_." _That_ tale was weak, Ending in nought, like an alley blind. But our story-spinners appear to find Their moral there. Their tales don't close, But break off short--like the poor maid's nose! Ah me! for a few of the fine old chaps Who gave us meals, not mere dishes of scraps! * * * * * "POST OBIT."--The _Sheffield Daily Telegraph_ announces that the first piece of patronage in the district which has fallen to the new Postmaster-General is now being competed for. It is that of medical officer to the local post-office. Our contemporary announces that the applications, which are said to be very numerous, have all gone in. It is generally understood that the gentleman ultimately selected to undertake the duties of the post will not necessarily be connected with the Dead Letter Department. * * * * * A CLERICAL MISTAKE. (_Fragment of a Romance found shortly after the holding of the recent Clerical Meetings._) "You are most kind," said the guest, getting down from the dogcart and assisting the retainer to carry his portmanteau into the house. "Not at all," was the reply. "If you are so good as to wait a moment, I will take the vehicle round to the stables and then show you your room." The guest bowed his head gratefully, and yet with some embarrassment. Who was this retainer? He seemed to be a man of education, and yet---- He had no time for further thought, as the subject of his meditations returned to him. "I was as speedy as possible," said he; "as I knew you would like to dress. The rector dines rather early, and is sure to be punctual to-night. This way."