And then the two young men marched up the staircase, and entered together the spare room. "There!" exclaimed the retainer, as he finished laying out the contents of the guest's portmanteau. "Now all you have to do is to look sharp and get down into the drawing-room, before the arrival of the bishop. I shall try and snatch a few moments' doze, as I have been busy from the early morning." "I really cannot sufficiently thank you," said the guest, hunting in his waistcoat pocket for a shilling. "But if you will allow me----" "Oh, no thank you," interrupted the retainer, with a slight blush. "I really do not require a tip." "But surely, from your multitudinous duties, you must be the butler?" Then came the solution to the mystery. "Oh dear no! I am not the butler! I am only the curate!" * * * * * A NEW SWAN SONG. [Miss ANNIE SWAN says--"What appears to be required is, that the wife should have something of her own, given to her freely by her husband for her own use and benefit, absolutely apart from other moneys, that she should spend it as she chooses."] Oh! give me something of my own, In which Man has _no_ part; Which I may hoard, or spend, or loan, And it shall ease my heart. And if you ask me whence 'twill come, And what will be my plan, I answer that that private sum Should come--of course--from Man! I'll grab it quick, I'll hold it tight, That welcome L. S. D., Concerning which Man's only right Is--_just to give it Me!_ * * * * * PROBABLE.--New edition of "_Cornelius Nepos_," with notes by Lord HALSBURY, assisted by Mr. HARDINGE FRANK GIFFARD, _Sec. Comm. Lun._ * * * * * PROVERBIAL CONSERVATIVE PHILOSOPHY.-- Sow Local Government in Ireland and it will come up Home Rule. * * * * * "COLLAR WORK"; OR, THE UNAPPRECIATED ENTERTAINER. SCENE--_The after-deck of an excursion-steamer, which is on its return to Scarborough from Bridlington, where the excursionists have employed a shining hour in laying in copious luncheons at various restaurants and eating-houses. Owing to the tide, they have had to land and re-embark in small boats through a rather choppy bit of sea, the consequence being that the majority of the party--though not indisposed--are inclined to prefer meditation to moving about, probably on the principle of "letting sleeping dogs lie." After Flamborough Head has been rounded, a young man in a frock coat and a cloth cap, who has hitherto been regarded as perfectly inoffensive, suddenly brings out a pair of plush-covered tables from behind the funnel, and reveals himself in the unwelcome character of a professional conjuror._