_Lord HALDANE_ (_aside to Lord MORLEY_). Had MCKENNA been caught young and forcibly educated, he would have made a metaphysician. _Mr. ASQUITH._ We have not yet considered whether anything can be done to remedy the temporary unpopularity of the Government. _Colonel SEELEY._ Suppose HOBHOUSE resigned. (_A hum of approval._) _Mr. ASQUITH._ Say, rather, accepted a lofty Imperial post. _Mr. HOBHOUSE._ And made room for LLOYD GEORGE'S Man Friday! It would mean a by-election in Bethnal Green, where he comes from. (_Consternation._) _Mr. BURNS._ I---- _Mr. ASQUITH_ (_suddenly_). I accept your resignation with great regret, BURNS. _Mr. Burns._ (_indignantly_). I was about to say that under no circumstances would I resign. _Mr. ASQUITH_ (_sadly_). Pardon me. I thought you were anxious for leisure to complete your autobiography. Well, if there are no resignations, I think we have ended the business of the day. * * * * A CLEAN SLATE. [Illustration: BOTHA (_to himself_). "I BEG TO PRESENT YOU WITH THIS TOKEN OF MY SINCERE APPROBATION." HIMSELF (_to Botha_). "I ACCEPT IT IN THE SPIRIT IN WHICH IT IS GIVEN."] * * * * [Illustration: _Crafty Neighbor_ (_to stout old lady who has just entered carriage with four on each side_). "Excuse me, Mum, but you'll find more room on the other side--there are only four there." _Old Lady._ "Thankee, Sir, so there be; I 'adn't noticed." (_Changes over._)] * * * * THE CLUB MUSIC HALL. The Royal Automobile Club having decided to enter into serious competition with the Music Halls in order to encourage active membership, it is rumoured that one or two other clubs are determined not to be left behind, and the following announcements may be expected shortly:-- PATHENAEUM CLUB. Notice to Bishops-Elect. Every Evening at 8 and Matinees (Weds. and Sats.) at 2.30: "SHOULD A WOMAN CONFESS?" Kinoplastieon drama by THE DEAN OF TOOTING. Evenings at 10: "THE SARUM LILY" in her marvellous Ecclesiastical Dances. THE UNITED DIVERSITIES CLUB. Every Afternoon at 2.30 and Every Evening at 9: Grand Co-operative Concert and Variety Entertainment. Davy Lloyd in His Great Land Act, with Troupe of Performing Scotch Woodcocks. Bonnie Lawder ... "_My True Blue Belfast._" Ted Carson and Chorus of Outlaws. Bertie Samuel ... _Heard at the Telephone_ (farcical comedy). Reggie McKenna ... "_Nose-bagtime._" By-electionscope. * * * * * THE RETROGRADE. "He wanted to see the town grow larger and the dates grow less." _Birmingham Daily Post_. "Come where the dates grow smaller!" * * * * * A KEY TO CUBISM. The chief exponent of "the new geometric art" explains the whole movement in the following passage, as reproduced in _The Observer_:--