In fine if you believe in self-expression And disdain to be a law-abiding man, You must cultivate a hobby of insulting ev'ry bobby Whenever you conveniently can. You'll find him quite impervious to jesting, But he has another less attractive side, Elemental, unalluring and arresting When his patience is intolerably tried. * * * * * SECURITY. "It's got to be," I said. I must have been thinking aloud, for Joyce said quickly-- "What's got to be?" "The silver," I said. "It doesn't sound sensible," said Joyce. "It isn't," I said, "at all sensible, but it's inevitable." "What's inevitable?" "That about the silver," I said. "But you didn't say anything about the silver, except that it's got to be." "Well, it's got to be--hypothecated." "What's that?" "I mean," I said, "that I'm--er--temporarily embarrassed, and the silver has got to be made security for a loan--pawned, in fact--so that I can pay the balance of the rent and catch up with my outgoings. Is that clearly put?" "Perfectly; but we can't spare the silver just now. The Armisteads are coming to tea on Friday." "But," I protested, "you don't understand. We don't keep a valuable stud of silver tea-things for the Armisteads' amusement, but for our own, and as--er--collateral." I was sure this would be beyond Joyce. "But what am I to do?" "Call out the reserves," I said. "But they're such a mixed lot," said Joyce. "I should be ashamed of having anyone to tea with them." "Better," I said, "than having the bailiffs to dine and sleep." "Ugh," said Joyce, "is it as bad as that?" "It is," I said, "and all because Short won't send that cheque on account of royalties till I've made some alterations to the last chapter. Our landlord is becoming unmanageable. Besides," I said, "I hear there have been one or two burglaries in this road lately, so the silver will be safer." "Look here," said Joyce, who declined to be scared by the idea of burglars. "To-day's Tuesday. Wait till Thursday. Something's sure to turn up." "Yes," I said, "a bailiff. But I'll wait till to-morrow if you like." "Good. And in the meantime we'll both think hard of some other way." That evening at dinner Joyce said, "I have an idea, but I'm not going to tell you yet. Have you thought of anything?" "Yes," I said. "I've got a brilliant scheme, but I'm going to keep it to myself for the present." "I knew you'd think of a way out," Joyce said, "if you gave your mind to it." My brilliant scheme was to pop the silver, and I managed to get away with it next morning (Wednesday) without arousing Joyce's suspicions. I got L20 on it at the local hypothecary's, squared the landlord, leaving a few pounds in hand, and hid the ticket in my writing-case. I spent the morning on the alterations for Short, and the afternoon on the links, and lost three good balls--curious coincidence, as I had found three such useful ones at the pawnbroker's in the morning.