Hiring a lot of lads with mobile faces, And all the world to tap for filmed scenes, Would I not set backsliders in their places And give my errant congregation beans? Uprising in the darkened tabernacle, A canvas sheet across the stage unfurled, "To-night, dear brethren, we propose to tackle," I should commence, "the Making of the World. "Doubts have arisen lately if the cosmos Sprang as I stated; an egregious don Has published pamphlets asking if it _was_ moss, Or something else, that formed the primal _On._ "Well, to confute at once this creeping scandal, You shall behold the facts before your eyes, (If Mr. Potts will kindly turn that handle-- Thank you) _and note, the camera never lies_." Yes, I would teach them; and if any scoffers Still weltered in the quagmire of their sin, If when I overhauled the monthly coffers I found the business part a trifle thin, Choosing a model for the worst offender I should unroll a still more lively lot Of films depicting him in pomp and splendour, "Swift glories," I should say, "and doomed to rot;" And then turn on "The Day of Retribution," Shades of avengers in the world below Prodding my man with verve and resolution, And broiling him on spits exceeding slow, And flaying him, and squeezing him with pincers; And whilst I pointed to his shrivelled shape (These moving picture-men are rare convincers), How I should thunder to the stalls agape! "Look at yon sinner perishing _in toto_, Take warning lest the same occurs to you; Each fraction of each wriggle is a photo, And therefore must be absolutely true." EVOE. * * * * * "At the short fourteenth Vardon was bunkered, and took an hour."--_Exeter Express._ He should have read our book, "How to get out of a Bunker in Forty-five Minutes. By One who often Does." * * * * * "This move of the Powers, sending a rural gentleman from the Rhine to do the big stick stunt in Albania with a lot of blood-thirsty savages, is about as much use as putting a boy sprout in the room of Sir John French."--_London Mail._ Personally we put an elderly artichoke in Sir JOHN'S room when he comes to stay with us. This, of course, in addition to the usual tin of biscuits. * * * * * Illustration: THE DOVE OF PEACE. LORD CREWE. "I DON'T SAY HE'S A PERFECT BIRD, MY LORDS, BUT HE'S THE BEST WE COULD MANAGE, AND A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT MIGHT DO WONDERS FOR HIM." * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)