E-text prepared by Matt Whittaker, Malcolm Farmer, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 23726-h.htm or 23726-h.zip: (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/3/7/2/23726/23726-h/23726-h.htm) or (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/3/7/2/23726/23726-h.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI VOL. 146 MARCH 11, 1914 CHARIVARIA. A contemporary describes one of the deported Nine as the Brain of the party. This is a distinction which just eluded Mr. BAIN. * * * The Admiralty has decided that, in the place of the grand manoeuvres this year, there shall be a surprise mobilisation. Last year's manoeuvres were, we believe, something of a fiasco, but to ensure the success of the surprise mobilisation five months' previous notice is given. * * * "Every man," says the Bishop of LONDON, "must be his own Columbus and find the continent of truth." This is the first time that we had heard America called the continent of truth, and one wonders where the present fashion of flattery is going to end. * * * We read that a Russian writer named LUNATCHARSKY has been expelled from Germany. Is it possible that he is a relative of Mr. MAX BEERBOHM'S friend Kolniyatchi? * * * At the Grand Military Meeting at Sandown Park, two young millionaires figured as amateur jockeys. We understand now the meaning of the expression "putting money on a horse." * * * "Futurist frocks," we are told, were a feature of the Chelsea Arts Club ball. Just as in these days "Fancy Dress" often seems to mean that the dress is left to the fancy, Futurist frocks, we presume, are frocks that may appear in the future. * * * An American journalist has been pointing out how London lags behind other great cities in the matter of shop-window dressing. There would seem to be no limit to our decadence. Even our shop-windows are inadequately clothed. * * * A meeting has been held at Kingston to consider the possibility of providing "some counter attraction" for the young people who frequent the streets on Sunday evenings. Seeing that most of them are at the counter during the week--you catch the idea? * * * "Monkey nuts are dangerous," said Dr. ROUND at an inquest last week. Judging by the mild-looking specimens one sees walking about in the streets appearances are certainly deceptive. * * * A contemporary, by the way, propounds the question: Why does the "nut" always wear his headgear on the back of his head? This custom is certainly queer, for, if he really cared about his personal appearance, he would wear the hat over his face. * * *