"Oxford rowed a bridge trial from Barnes to Hammersmith yesterday morning on a fast ebb. It was good, but not good enough considering the conditions, for everything was in their favour, the amount of land water in the river making the tide a fast one and the wind being at their backs."--_Daily Mail._ Our contemporary must make up its mind which way the crew sits before the day of the race. * * * * * "This was Inman's last opportunity, as Reece, in his next hand, ran to his points with a great break of 202. He failed at an easy red winner, and after Inman had missed a simple shot Reece ran out." _Times._ _REECE (after reaching his points with a great break of 202)_: Have another shot, INMAN, old man. Hard luck! Now I really _must_ go. [_Exit at a run._ * * * * * DEAR MR. PUNCH,--While idly looking over _Chambers' Dictionary_ I came across the Christian name "Herbert," and noticed that it meant "The Glory of the Army." This aroused my curiosity, and I thought I should pursue the matter further by looking up the meaning of his other name. You may judge my surprise when I found that "Henry" meant "Home Ruler," and was given in these exact words. After this Mr. ASQUITH'S dogged determination to carry Home Rule is readily understood. He is a child of destiny. I am, etc., KISMET. * * * * * [Illustration: _Doctor (to old Appleby dame whose son his been eaten by cannibals in the South Sea Islands)._ "I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR THIS BAD NEWS ABOUT YOUR SON. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE IT HAPPENED?" _Dame._ "NAY, A DON'T RIGHTLY KNAA. IT WAS SOOMWHAR BELOW KENDAL."] * * * * * DANCERS DAY BY DAY. _March 18._--A telegram from Tipperusalem, Oklahoma, states that Madame Titipoff, as the result of partaking of tinned oysters at supper, is suffering from acute ptomaine poisoning, and will, at the most favourable estimate, be unable to dance for another six months. _March 19._--Authoritative cables from Sydney convey the distressing intelligence that M. Gordkin is suffering from a complete nervous breakdown. His temperature has never been below 117 for the last week, and his pulse varies from 240 to 260. The doctors take a serious view of his case, and all his engagements have been cancelled. _March 20._--At Dundee last night, Mlle. Stchortskirtsoff, while dancing at the Corybantic Music Hall, slipped on a patch of marmalade which had been inadvertently allowed to remain on the stage, and fractured both her kneecaps. It is feared that the famous _ballerina_ will not be able to fulfil her engagements in Aberdeen next month.