"After that--literature," was the emphatic reply. "I have already signed a contract with Messrs. Goodleigh and Champ to write my Reminiscences in the form of a Musical Encyclopaedia. My father-in-law, Sir Pompey Boldero, is giving me valuable assistance in preparing the material, but as he is already sixty-five I cannot, unhappily, count with absolute confidence on his being spared to witness the completion of the work. Still, he is so full of vigour that M. METCHNIKOFF considers his chances of becoming a centenarian decidedly promising. In any case the collaboration of my children, whose filial devotion is only equalled by their talent, is secured, and Mrs. Bamborough, as you know, wields a vivid and trenchant pen. But literature will not occupy all my time. My estancia in the Argentine will need supervision, and I hope to spend an occasional summer in the Solomon Islands, where the natives are strangely attached to us." Mr. Bamborough pointed out that Sir JOHNSTON FORBES-ROBERTSON, who also returned by the _Julius Caesar,_ had only drawn receipts amounting to L107,000 in a tour of thirty weeks' duration, while he (Mr. Bamborough) had netted no less than L150,000 in a tour lasting twenty-seven weeks and three days. In addition to the receipts in specie, Mr. Bamborough had received several nuggets from the gold miners in Colorado, and a bull moose from Mr. KERMIT ROOSEVELT, while Mrs. Bamborough had been the recipient of a highly-trained bobolink, and a charming young alligator from the cedar swamps of Louisiana. Other notable passengers on the _Julius Caesar_ were Miss Topsy Cooney, the famous coloured pianist, who plays only on the black keys and entirely by ear; Little Dinky, the marvellous calculating boy, who does not know the names of the numbers; and Elaine Runnymede, the child contralto, who can only sing the whole tone scale. * * * * * Illustration: _Small Brother (whose sisters are working for their girl guides' ambulance badge)._ "Come on, here's A bit of luck for you. I've made Rupert's nose bleed." * * * * * Commercial Candour. From a catalogue:-- "Also made in cheaper and better quality models." * * * * * Illustration: _Grumpy._ "Better put the diamond in the safe, my boy. You'll be ruined if anybody steals it." _Ernest._ "Yes, but the play will be ruined if nobody does." _Grumpy_ Mr. CYRIL MAUDE. _Ernest Heron._ Mr. EDWARD COMBEMERE. * * * * * "GRUMPY." (_As it might as well have been._) ACT I.--THE CRIME. =Scene--_Mr. "Grumpy" Bullivant's_ library. Enter his grand-daughter _Virginia_ and _Mrs. Maclaren._= _Mrs. Maclaren._ What a remarkable man Mr. Jarvis seems to be, dear--so amusing at dinner! And he writes for _Tiddly Bits,_ he tells me. Where _did_ you meet him?