Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, May 20, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, May 20, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Susan._ Yes, Sir; Mr. Ernest's was an india-rubber one. I know, because
he said he'd been travelling all day, and he asked me to sponge it for
him.
_Grumpy._ Thank you, Susan. Ruddock, we must find that india-rubber
richard. If Ernest has his assailant's shirt-front, what more likely
than that his assailant has Ernest's? Probably they exchanged them
before the battle, as, you may remember, Glaucus and Diomed did at the
siege of Troy.
_Ruddock._ Yes, Sir.
_Grumpy._ Every shirt-front we see we must suspect. Let us go and look
for some. [=Exeunt.=
=Enter _Jarvis_ and _Virginia._=
_Virginia._ Still in evening dress, Mr. Jarvis?
_Jarvis._ Yes, I was so busy fetching the doctor last night that I had
no time to change. I am going back to London now. (=Tenderly=) I should
like to think you had some little memento of me. (=He removes his shirt
front.=) Keep this and think of me sometimes when you look at it.
_Virginia._ Oh, Mr. Jarvis! But I must give _you_ something too. (=She
goes out and returns with one of her grandfather's shirt-fronts.=) Wear
this in place of the one you have given me--always. [=Exit.=
=Re-enter _Grumpy._=
_Grumpy._ Now, Mr. Jarvis, I wonder if you would help me. You were the
first to find the body last night. Would you mind lying down in the
position in which it lay? It may give me an important clue.
_Jarvis._ Certainly. (=He prepares to lie down.=)
_Grumpy._ Take care, you mustn't crumple your shirt-front. Perhaps it
removes? Ah, allow me. (=He detaches it and hastily substitutes the
other one for it.=) Ah, thank you so much. Here is your shirt-front
again.
[=Exit _Jarvis._=
_Ruddock (=eagerly=)._ Is that it, Sir?
_Grumpy_ (=examining Jarvis's shirt-front carefully=). No, linen,
confound it. Ruddock, we _must_ find that india-rubber richard. Who has
it? Ah!
CURTAIN.
ACT III.--TRAPPED.
=Scene--_Jarvis's_ rooms in London.=
_Keble (his man)._ Terrible thing that assault on Mr. Heron, Sir.
_Jarvis._ Yes, terrible.
_Keble._ I hope they don't suspect me of it, Sir.
_Jarvis._ Why on earth should they suspect _you_?
_Keble._ Well, I was known to be jealous of Mr. Heron, Sir. I found
Susan sponging his shirt-front, and Susan and I are as good as engaged.
_Jarvis (=mildly interested=)._ How _can_ you sponge a shirt-front?
_Keble._ It was an india-rubber one, Sir; they sponge off quite clean,
and save the laundry bill, Sir. My----
_Jarvis._ Good Heavens, I'm ruined!
=Enter _Isaac Wolfe,_ his partner. Exit _Keble._=
_Wolfe._ Got the diamond, my boy?
_Jarvis (moodily)._ Yes ... I'm done for; I must leave the country.
_Wolfe._ What d'you mean? You've got the diamond?
_Jarvis (rapidly)._ I throttled him in the dark and got the diamond. My
shirt-front fell off in the struggle. I noticed one on the floor and
picked it up. I thought it was mine. It was his; his had fallen off too;
and he was found with mine in his hand.
_Wolfe._ Well, why did you leave it there?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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