TO AVOID ACCIDENTS PASSENGERS SHOULD REMAIN SEATED WHILE THE BUS IS PASSING UNDER RAILWAY BRIDGES. There nar. Some of you blokes never look any farther than the end of your noses." "Then if I had your nose," I retorted, "I should need a telescope to see even as far as that." I was much disappointed that, just as I got to the caustic part, the exigencies of his profession demanded that he should punch six tickets in rapid succession. My repartee was consequently drowned amid a perfect _carillon_ of bells. But meanwhile I had found another notice-- TO STOP THE BUS STRIKE THE BELL ONCE. It was a friendly and sensible notice, for, to tell the truth, I was beginning to feel afraid of a bus that carried so much free literature. It could not hope to be a thoroughly reliable bus and a library at the same time. I therefore determined to forfeit several divisions of my ticket, and give my "season" one more chance. I got up and struck the bell once. As the driver didn't know it was just an ordinary passenger that struck it he pulled up immediately. I had got halfway down the staircase when somebody--it must have been that offensive conductor--gave the game away, for the bus jerked badly and started off again at a rare pace. So did I. But as I flew through the air I could not help catching a fleeting glimpse of a final advisory notice-- PASSENGERS ARE CAUTIONED AGAINST ALIGHTING FROM THE BUS WHILE IN MOTION. * * * * * Illustration: THE IRON CROSS EPIDEMIC. CAPTAIN OF A GERMAN CRUISER, HURRYING HOME AFTER SHELLING HEALTH-RESORT, GIVES ORDERS TO LIGHTEN THE SHIP FOR THE SAKE OF SPEED. * * * * * From _The Evening Standard's_ racing news: "That's Enough, 19st 2lb (Mr. R. Cavello) _J. Killalee O_" We agree with the horse. * * * * * Illustration: _General._ "GLAD TO SEE YOU WALKING, MY LAD. I ALWAYS LIKE TO SEE A MAN WHO CONSIDERS HIS HORSE." _Recruit._ "THANK YOU, SIR. BUT MY NEAR SIDE STIRRUP'S BROKE, AND I CAN'T GET ON." _General._ "THEN WHY THE DEUCE DON'T YOU GET ON WITH THE OFF-SIDE ONE?" _Recruit_ (_after some consideration_). "BUT I'D BE SITTIN' WRONG WAY ROUND." * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)