That is all right as far as it goes, but the problem remains of what is to be done with those people who can't be stopped? We have had several painful instances of this sort. The stuff has arrived, the usual sort of non-war stuff, some of which must have cost quite a lot of money, of which it may with truth be said, "your King and Country need you." How were these things to be dealt with, since we felt that we could not keep them? We found that no general treatment could be applied; we have had to sort them out into groups, before deflecting them into the proper courses. _Books_ to hospitals. In this case the matron is asked to acknowledge them direct to the original giver. _Smoking Accessories_ (such as the newest pipe-filler and match-striker and cigarette-case-opener and pouch-unfolder and cigar-holder-grip), to the nearest male Belgian; and _All other portable presents_ to the nearest female Belgian. (These two classes may be neatly acknowledged in the columns of the _Courier Belge_.) _All larger presents_ (of the motor-car, pianola and sewing-machine variety) to be sold by auction for the National Relief Fund. Marked catalogue of the sale to be sent to the giver in proof of their safe arrival. Yours, etc., AN ORDINARY ENGLISHMAN. * * * * * [Illustration: _Officer (instructing recruits in signalling)._ "DIDN'T YOU GET THAT MESSAGE?" _Recruit._ "YES, SIR: 'THREE TAUBS AND A ZEPLIN COMIN' OVER THE 'ILL.'" _Officer._ "THEN WHY THE DEUCE DIDN'T YOU SEND IT ON?" _Recruit._ "WELL, SIR, I COULDN'T 'ARDLY BELIEVE IT."] * * * * * "The Surveyor reported that the owners of the manure heaps by the Recreation Ground Tennis Courts had by now been covered over with seaweed, etc., thus complying with the Council's wishes."--_Barmouth Advertiser._ We hope this will be a lesson to them. * * * * * The usual formula for beginning a letter is thus neatly rendered by a Hottentot Boy:-- "As I have a line to state just to let you know that I am still soluberious under the superiority of the Supreme-Being, hoping to hear the same likewise from you." We recommend it very heartily as a good opening for New Year's Eve correspondence. * * * * * THE IMPERIAL INFANTICIDE. It was a mighty Emperor Of ancient pedigree Who said, "The future of our race Lies on the rolling sea!" And straightway laboured to fulfil His royal guarantee. And when the Day had dawned, for which He long had toiled and planned, Unto his Grand High Admiral He issued his command: "Go forth, and smite the enemy Upon his native strand." Sailing by night and veiled in mist, His swiftest ships of war Rained death on two defenceless towns For half an hour or more, Till they had slain and wounded babes And women by the score.