The Fatherland was filled with joy By this heroic deed; It gloated o'er the slaughtered babes Of Albion's hated breed; And Iron Crosses fell in showers On those who'd made them bleed. But honest neutrals everywhere Were sickened and dismayed; The Turk, not squeamish as a rule, No special glee betrayed; And even Mr. BERNARD SHAW Failed to defend the raid! Then more in sorrow than in wrath The EMPEROR made moan: "Though martyred and misunderstood I tread my way alone, At least I have the sympathy Of God on His high throne." Then from the pillar and the cloud Came accents clear and plain: "The Massacre of Innocents Passes the guilt of CAIN; And those who sin with HEROD earn His everlasting stain." * * * * * Two announcements at Hereford:-- "Cathedral Service, Sunday, Dec. 13th. Preacher: Rev. H. M. Spooner. Baptist Chapel. Lecture: 'Slips of Speech and Trips in Type.'" "Yes," said the President of New College on his way to the Cathedral, "I know something about slips of speech, but what _are_ tips in tripe?" * * * * * [Illustration: THE NEW ARMY TO THE FRONT.] * * * * * THE NEXT? BOMBARDMENT OF LITTLE SHRIMPINGTON BY THE GERMAN FLEET. (_Extract from a Report by the German Admiral._) _Battle-cruiser_ "_Von Herod_." SIR,--With regard to the recent magnificent and hoch-compelling exploit of the Imperial Squadron I have the honour to report as follows:-- Our battle-cruisers sighted the strongly-fortified sea-coast town of Little Shrimpington about 12.45, and at once opened a devastating fire. A hostile abbey, situated in a commanding position at the cliff top, and quite unmistakable (as at Whitby), was the first to fall. The shelling of this edifice, to which I learn that the Christians attach considerable importance, for some reason that I am unable to comprehend, cannot fail to produce lively satisfaction among our brave allies at Constantinople. Next turning our guns upon the golf links, in fifteen rounds we put out of action a nine-hole course for ladies. Much confusion was observed here amongst the enemy; the presence of troops being proved by the movement of several bodies in bright scarlet. It is conjectured from this that the supply of khaki is already exhausted. Magnificent execution was done upon the extensive sand castles with which the foreshore was covered, and for which indeed it is renowned throughout the island. Our heavy armament was in every case enabled to demolish these, at the same time slaughtering the children and nurses responsible for them. It is to be admitted however that at a more favourable season of the year the execution here, good as it was, would have been considerably better.